Loosing Is Winning

Play big or go home! It's all about winning, right? I mean who wants to lose at anything? Not a game, and especially not in life.

But could we stand to loose the reins a bit? Especially when we only think we're winning.

Have you ever held on to something far too long?  Did it become more of a burden than actually enjoying the purpose of it being there in the first place? Let's face it,  we hold tight to things beyond the moment of need and alot of times that can be detrimental to our lives.

We hold on to our pretty pink pumps when our halves are up and bunions start growing. We hold on to attitudes way past being apologized to and we clinch for dear life to the fact we could have almost gotten into those high-waist jeans if it weren't for that cheeseburger.

Geez.

We even hold on to the toothpaste tube too long,  so long that we spend more time fighting to get the little paste that's left rather than grab a new tube and enjoy the freshness.

Oh, how many times, ladies, have you held on to a number in your phone which is linked to the guy who has broken your heart repeatedly instead of deleting it all together and just accepting that if it were meant to be...it simply would be?

Right.

This one I know all too well; holding on to what seems incurable heartache from years ago making it impossible to receive the beauty and love being offered in the present. It's all because the familiar feeling of what seems to be an inch of love,  strokes our ego and makes us feel a part of something we long for. Yep,  even if it no longer serves you.

Familiar is like my favorite pair of Christmas pajamas I wear year round (in between washes) because they feel so snug and bring me just the comfort I feel I can only accomplish with them. But those same familiar, snuggalicious, body warmers are the same pajamas that nearly suffocate me in the summer's heat. When I try to keep what I'm use to all because I'm fearful changing my direction will leave me feeling (naked) uncomfortable, it leaves me restless, bothered and searching for air.

In actuality that's what happens when you loose your hold on others who aren't willing to hold you back; it leaves you feeling exposed, uncomfortable and maybe even alone. But the beginning of things aren't always the best; sometimes you have to stick it out through the turbulence of the unknown in order to get to your peace.

It's best to keep in mind that it is indeed okay to loose yourself from people who no longer bring you comfort or care about your world.  In some cases it's not imperative to have to totally lock the door behind them but rather, like my pajamas, knowing they have a special place in your life and that is ok to fold them up and move to a different season; You always know where they are.

Loose the grip of what is in your comfort zone and what is familiar just because it shows up. A tornado shows up in tornado valley but it only brings devastation. Hmmm.

When you loose the emotional, physical, mental and even soul-ties which bring you heartache and discomfort, the ball is in your court. You're the coach who calls the shots, the referee who controls the game and with that combo there is no need for a score keeper. When you loose what isn't productive but what can potentially be poison, the winning begins and ends with you.

~Keshia Dawn

Vision of Love

Most of us have settled in the new year. We have visions and promises of 2015 being all that and a bag of chips. Our vision boards are filled with images of our dream jobs, vacations abroad, paid off credit cards and of course love and more love.

Our education prepares us to seek out our favorable and lucrative career moves. Visiting the Post Office all dolled up for our passport identification sets us in the right direction to vacation on beautiful beaches and tops of snow-filled mountains. Even our budgeting and making bills one our priorities helps us reach our desired credit score.

What about love?

Being amongst other singles who feel as if they are ready to build a love relationship, I'm sure I'm not the only one who has cut and paste the words or symbols which define love, on  to their vision boards.

Yes. I really did!

Though I'm excited about it, it hasn't always been this way.

Now It's easy to admit how ready I am for the mushy, huggy type stuff while holding hands in the park kind of love, because I've worked out the kinks in my heart. But at one point I ran from love, afraid of what it would or would not do for me. I was especially scared of what it could do to my happiness and peace, being that love had been presented in a negative way once before. To say I was extra fearful of being vulnerable is an understatement.

Then I got sick and tired of pushing love away and its opportunities it brought with it. Deciding to come clean with myself about my fears put me on a path to work on building my relation-self, i.e., forgiving myself and others, falling in love with the best me I could possibly be.

Having a wonderful relationship with my future beau is very much in my vision, but I knew I would never reach him without finding all of me. 

Mind. Body. Soul.

Once I searched out my truths by recognizing I had been harboring a negative definition of what love is and where the fear had come from, I took to readjusting my thinking, beginning with the love I felt I deserved for myself. Then I had to realize my true hearts desire and became dedicated to reversing the way I had accepted and even given out love.

I may be at a point where I now freely allow myself to be sought after by love, but one thing remains and is very important to hold on to; being able to receive and accept the love you deserve always and will forever begin with the love you have for you.

~Keshia Dawn

More Than Just A Teacher

Last week there was a photo on Facebook that surfaced from a teacher who had combed her student's hair. It was apparent from the before photo that the little girl arrived in a curly natural state but per the teacher, with a head full of tangles.

 There were so many opinions thrown around. "She shouldn't have touched her head," "Why post the picture," and even, "Oh, that couldn't be my child." But why? Aren't we suppose to be helpers one to another?

True story. Years. Wait a minute. Decades ago when I was in pre-K, the very same episode happened to me where my teacher helped whip my head full of hair in shape. The morning started like any other, except instead of my mom being there to comb my hair, my dad was the hairdresser of the day.

 Being that my dad wore an Afro and the year was barely, if at all, out of the 70s, my dad made his only child at the time,his mini-me. That's right. The little boney girl who usually went to school with no less than five plaited ponytails arrived to school with a fully picked out Afro. I don't even recall a bow being placed in the naturalness but I do recall my daddy using his pick instead of the regular comb my mom used, to attempt to comb my hair.

My dad had dropped me off at school and one of my teachers who was a young Black lady looked at my hair and patted it. I don't remember the details, if she had asked or contacted either of my parents to see if it were okay for her to commence to tackle my mane, but I do recall the vision of comb, brush, grease and bows. It was if she had been equipped for times such as this. And it was all done before the full day was started.

Personally I loved the idea that my teacher combed my hair. Although little girls love the journey from ponytail to free-flowing hair, myself included, that day having my hair dressed as it normally was, left me happier and that moment has stayed with me since. It felt good knowing others care enough to help in any manner they can. Especially the person I spent more time with throughout the day than my parents. Teachers are special parts of our lives.

I praise what the teacher did for the little girl, who it is said normally doesn't interact as well as other kids. Also, it was shared that the little girl's parents did agree to the beautiful task. In the day and age where the village system seems to be disappearing, there are others who are willing to reach in and help mothers, father and the family system as a whole, to raise our children. Thank you.

When so many parents have lost their handles on parenting and lose their children to the streets or death, why would we tear down teachers or anyone else for that matter, who are lending helping hands and showing that caring for others is okay and needs to be revived in our communities.

This past summer my daughter spent a month with my dad in the country. I knew without a doubt her hair would look nothing like I sent her after a week. With hair down her back and natural, I could only imagine what she would look like. The day she text me a photo with a full picked out Afro, with the help from my dad, it was nostalgia at its finest.

My Aunt Margaret, Aunt Connie, Aunt Dora, those who had one time or another played a role in my own rearing, tackled the task of dealing with my daughter and all her glory. Even a family friend went to work on the head full of hair, making sure my daughter looked and felt her best.

I'm grateful to those in my life who lend their helping hand in my raising my daughter alone. No one person can raise a child by themselves and when someone shows their caring for you and your offspring by rising to the occasion to help, nothing less than a Thank You should be thrown their way.

                          Chayse, summer 2014

~Keshia Dawn