Rose-Coloured Glasses

There was a time when I would gloat on what I thought was perfection in other relationships outside of my own. And I'm talking about relationships on every level; parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend, etc... Definitely a case of  being on the outside looking in.

Whenever there was a disagreement of some sort and arguments would surface, it would leave me feeling like a failure,  as if somehow along the way we missed the love mark. I just knew we could learn a thing or two from  other people and how to handle one another with care. But what I didn't realize until years later, seeking perfection in any one person or relationship can leave you unnecessarily ravaged. 

No one should live this life expecting perfection in any one human being. Respect, yes. Perfection? No way. It doesn't exist.

Not one relationship; not a set of siblings, parent/child relationship, boss/employee, no not one is immune from life's circumstances.

The level of perfection we put on ourselves and others can wear us down. I know it did for me. I just knew that anything outside of smiles and laughter was irregular, but I kept living and found out it couldn't be further from the truth. If you love, you love through good and bad. Even with tears at time. 

Running away from normal obstacles in my relationships tired me out, hindered my vulnerability and ultimately injured my trust abilities. Knowing is half the battle.  We are human and no one is perfect.

Ever seek perfection in an imperfect world?

Everyday

"Do one thing every day that scares you." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Fearful of What?

Lions,  tigers and bears, oh my! And yes! 

Definitely understandable to be fearful of big bad animals with sharp teeth and claws. Right?  But love. Why so fearful about love?  

For me, in my dating, relationship, make-up to break-up world, it wasn't the male species I was particularly fearful of.  No, not at all. Rather it was the in between I didn't know about. Yep, I was one of those; confused about the unknown.Why? Besides being cookoo for Coacoa Puffs, doing so would consist of total trust.

Total trust meant I would believe there would never be lies, cheating,  abandonment or  any level of abuse. It would mean I had an honest friend, a best friend at that. It would mean I could count on my right hand man for, if not all, most of my needs. 

It would mean I'm labeling myself to be that same person to him as he was to me. The same person?  Being his best friend, having his back and no lying and cheating. So maybe the fear after all wasn't in him and what he would and wouldn't do, but rather what I could or couldn't.

Trust is very important in relationships and without it there can be no growth. Trust first begins within. You have to trust yourself, your prayers and the answer you receive, enough to know the value you have to give and the love you deserve to receive.

Trust much?

Big Did It

Sex In The City, a movie that will go down in history for most women!

It was something about that television series that liberated us. It showed us how we can be young, gifted, gorgeous and free. Time with our girls, working hard for our future and of course teaching us a thing or two about love and dating.

The show captured so many questions women around the globe want to know. Am I his type? Will he ask me out? Are we a couple? And of course, will he ask me to marry him? It was a lifeline to discussions we were already having and gave plenty of answers to questions we were too afraid to ask.

But there was one guy that made a difference in it all...yes, definitely Blair in his short stay, but for the long haul, Big made his mark in all of our lives. He was everyone's boyfriend. And you know what that means?

He broke all of our hearts! Yes, time and time again. Carrie's clones cried with her and for her with every hug and kiss Big pounded on her being. And just like that, every time he disappeared, walked away, our tears fell again.

So yes, Big did it. He helped sketch the possibility that love isn't long lasting, could be long lasting, but is not long lasting, but is; but it isn't, long lasting. Ugh. Big did it. He helped set the fear in love.

What was your fear factor in love?

What is your deepest fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."~Marianne Williamson "

Fear...where did this come from

Who am I and where did this come from?

I thank God for birthdays! Birthday after birthday, I’ve grown as an individual and have conquered one more item in my world I never thought I would. It seems the older you get, what people say and think about anything you do, just doesn’t matter anymore. So here I am.

I’m just a regular girl (woman) in an irregular world…and I’m single. Although I have enjoyed my single life to the fullest, having had relationships here and there, for the most part, I have truly enjoyed being Keshia, the serial dater. That is…

Until something on the inside of me switched without warning. It started with me having the overwhelming feeling of really, really wanting to try out a relationship after years of only tampering and thinking about them, here and there. That wasn’t so much the problem but it progressed with me not knowing where to begin, and even with the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship, not having the guts to admit it…That’s when I knew I had issues. That’s when I knew I had to dig deeper. Yep, I said it.

What was going on with me, is what I questioned myself…then the soul searching came, well only after I questioned a few close friend girls, that is. After just about all of them let me know it was time to at least TRY and settle down, I knew the time had come for me to slow down and reevaluate who I was and what I really wanted. THAT is not a pretty sight when you’ve walked to the beat of your own made up drum for so long… But I started.

The journey which I started and I am still on began with me slowing down and realizing my biggest problem: Fear.

Fear is a hindrance. It grabs hold of ones desires and dreams and leave you in a rotation of shoulda, could, woulda’s. Ever been there? The fear of the unknown?

Let's talk about it.

Are You Married Yet?

Being a fiction writer, I’m often asked many questions having to do with my writing and my novels. “When is the next book coming out?” “How many books have you written?” And last but certainly not least, “Is that story about you?” Which the answer is, no. But that is about to change.

With my love for writing, I have been able to share my fiction stories with the world. I have readers who are dedicated to my craft and my characters and they always anticipate my next big release. For that I’ll forever be grateful.

As a writer, the world of readers are hardly ever interested in the author. As long as the characters are up to par and deliver, the author can be a ghostwriter and still get recognition. But for me personally, those around me and those who knew or know me will beg to differ. The reason why…it obviously has to do with my dating life.

With the attention and the “Are you …” questions surrounding my singledom increasing, it made me wonder, “Is this normal or am I the only single woman who feels as though scribbled writing on my forehead read, “Go ahead, ask me?” And then I guess when people get the imaginary go ahead, the question that follows is, “Are you married yet?”

It doesn’t matter where the questions are asked; church, work, grocery stores, even at funerals. My statistical world of embarrassing questions suggest, when the question is burning on the inside, it’s a done deal, they’re going to ask you. And of course women you know the rest. After I answer the magical, “nope,” the conversation then become, “Why not?” Geez.

It’s very often that I’m questioned by friends from years ago, ex-boyfriends, coworkers and even family members on my relational status. I don’t hold it against anyone at all . It’s a common topic and plus I’m the same nosey person who tend to ask the same question of others…go figure.

The time has come to share why I’m single and what was  holding me back. Yes, I'll tell it all in my upcoming non-fiction summer release. But until then....

 What do you answer when asked the,  "Why are you not married, " questions.