More Than Just A Teacher

Last week there was a photo on Facebook that surfaced from a teacher who had combed her student's hair. It was apparent from the before photo that the little girl arrived in a curly natural state but per the teacher, with a head full of tangles.

 There were so many opinions thrown around. "She shouldn't have touched her head," "Why post the picture," and even, "Oh, that couldn't be my child." But why? Aren't we suppose to be helpers one to another?

True story. Years. Wait a minute. Decades ago when I was in pre-K, the very same episode happened to me where my teacher helped whip my head full of hair in shape. The morning started like any other, except instead of my mom being there to comb my hair, my dad was the hairdresser of the day.

 Being that my dad wore an Afro and the year was barely, if at all, out of the 70s, my dad made his only child at the time,his mini-me. That's right. The little boney girl who usually went to school with no less than five plaited ponytails arrived to school with a fully picked out Afro. I don't even recall a bow being placed in the naturalness but I do recall my daddy using his pick instead of the regular comb my mom used, to attempt to comb my hair.

My dad had dropped me off at school and one of my teachers who was a young Black lady looked at my hair and patted it. I don't remember the details, if she had asked or contacted either of my parents to see if it were okay for her to commence to tackle my mane, but I do recall the vision of comb, brush, grease and bows. It was if she had been equipped for times such as this. And it was all done before the full day was started.

Personally I loved the idea that my teacher combed my hair. Although little girls love the journey from ponytail to free-flowing hair, myself included, that day having my hair dressed as it normally was, left me happier and that moment has stayed with me since. It felt good knowing others care enough to help in any manner they can. Especially the person I spent more time with throughout the day than my parents. Teachers are special parts of our lives.

I praise what the teacher did for the little girl, who it is said normally doesn't interact as well as other kids. Also, it was shared that the little girl's parents did agree to the beautiful task. In the day and age where the village system seems to be disappearing, there are others who are willing to reach in and help mothers, father and the family system as a whole, to raise our children. Thank you.

When so many parents have lost their handles on parenting and lose their children to the streets or death, why would we tear down teachers or anyone else for that matter, who are lending helping hands and showing that caring for others is okay and needs to be revived in our communities.

This past summer my daughter spent a month with my dad in the country. I knew without a doubt her hair would look nothing like I sent her after a week. With hair down her back and natural, I could only imagine what she would look like. The day she text me a photo with a full picked out Afro, with the help from my dad, it was nostalgia at its finest.

My Aunt Margaret, Aunt Connie, Aunt Dora, those who had one time or another played a role in my own rearing, tackled the task of dealing with my daughter and all her glory. Even a family friend went to work on the head full of hair, making sure my daughter looked and felt her best.

I'm grateful to those in my life who lend their helping hand in my raising my daughter alone. No one person can raise a child by themselves and when someone shows their caring for you and your offspring by rising to the occasion to help, nothing less than a Thank You should be thrown their way.

                          Chayse, summer 2014

~Keshia Dawn

All Questioned Out! Happy New Year!

Five,  four,  three,  two,  one!  Happy New Year! 

In just a couple of days most of us will be yelling at the tops of our lungs, moving 2014 out the door and ushering a crisp 2015 in. There will be prayers, cheering, tears and celebratory moments of welcoming in the new beginning. 

I must admit,  2014 was a challenge BUT it pushed me further and deeper into my purpose. I mean,  that's the reason for breathing,  right? Well, with that,  all I can say is that I'm thankful for my lessons and how they have catapulted me in my predestined direction. 

 Even still, I must admit my heart did ache as my relationships were being tested.  Whether romantic,  platonic,  family and even work, at one time or another my lifelines were on the surveying block.  

This past year I questioned the definition of family and support, needing the confirmation that the two really did belong in the same sentence. I questioned how much of myself did I have to give in order for my love to be confirmed.  I questioned if friendships would remain the same when I pulled back my emotional giving.  I even questioned if my corporate work ethic would pay off in title or monetary security; could I be fulfilled.

When I asked these questions to the One who made me, He answered in the simplest terms.

He sent a special person to fill a void I had felt for years. He let me know my love is to be given just as his love is ongoing. He confirmed that even in my pain,  there is a lesson and when giving yourself to others, expect nothing in return for He truly is all the friend I need. 

With two books released this year,  I can only say how thankful I am to have a gift that inspires others and fulfills me in my ultimate direction. 

Although I've forever known I was gifted to  encourage,  this year my purpose on this earth has manifest itself even the more and I'm so grateful that I know who and whose I am. It makes a difference.

The questions have ceased and I've found my peace and my direction. The one relationship that grew and blossomed even more was my spiritual bond with God. He covers a multitude of concerns,  heartache and disappointments and ultimately all the 2015 questions have already been answered. 

It's a wrap on last year and action time for 2015.  I dare look back with should've, could've,  would've thoughts but rather as a student in life knowing the teacher always answers right on time. 

Keshia Dawn

Cuffing Season

It's the winter time and cuffing season has begun! Did you Inadvertently sign up? Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, I looked it up on the world wide web and this is the definition I found.

Cuffing season is a portion of the year when men shed their summer bachelor skin and start to feel lonely as the weather turns colder.

Hence, you just may become someone's boo for a good three to four months. Is that enough for you?

Although it seems as though this "cuffing season" no longer has specific months, around the holidays show to be the time when it is talked about the most. So just how do you avoid being a cuffee, er', how do you avoid getting cuffed instead of ringed? (I know, but it just sounded right).

We need to know, right ladies? Why? Because some men come out the wood works with the phone calls and texting and the, "you know I miss you right?" <Exhale here>

Help! I want to know.

Is there a cutoff month to pass your number to a new guy in order to start the whole dating process without being trapped in a season that will come to an unwanted end?

Like, if you miss the last hot summer concert in August without meeting a potential, should you stock up on Red Box movies and microwave popcorn for the holiday/winter season?

What about October? Is that pushing it? You know when the sun hides behind the Fall clouds.  Do you cut off meeting someone new for the sake of becoming a winter snuggle-buddy?

This is what I'm doing, um, I mean what I think should be done. Date! Have fun, see movies, but don't make any life decisions and definitely don't make any bedroom decisions that you may regret after the winter fog has cleared. Capish?

After the coats are shed, tucked away and loafers are traded for summer sandals and you get to see the toes you've played footsie with...will your cuffing season evolve into more?

Have you received this text message? Then ask yourself, "Have I been cuffed?"

~Keshia Dawn

What Do The Lonely Do?

It's officially the holiday season!! And so, the million dollar question is... What do the lonely do at Christmas? Wait,  don't answer that. 

By now you should know that I am a single, non-married Black woman in America, to the point where I actually think I'm the poster child for "This Is How To Be a Successful Single, " yada, yada, yada.  

I'm single,  I get it,  but I'm not in the complaining business because I truly believe that in everything,  there is a season. With that being said, I do know there are others who may not be in that accepting space. 

I do understand. 

Jay Moss just released a new cd and my favorite song so far is, "It Is What It Is." If taken for face value,  the song sums up our situation, with its chorus, "Some things aren't for understanding, some things aren't for comprehending,  it is what it is. " 

Ha! That's right. 

What I do know is that you can't do anything to change your situation at this moment unless you are already on the verge of crossing over into a relationship.  And if that is the case,  get it girl! 

If that isn't the case but you definitely have your I's dotted, your T's crossed and you're otherwise confident in the woman you see when you look in the mirror, not forgetting that those who love you confirm all the above, then your being single just is what it is. 

It's your shift. You know,  like the schedule no one wants at work or the kiddie table you can't wait to outgrow at the family gathering. Get it? It will pass over and you will finally get that spot you've longed for. 

Instead of wallowing in the complaining zone this holiday season, or singing Christmas carols that will only leave you adding tears to the egg nog,  accept that you are where you are and things won't always be this way.

So again, what do the happily single,  self-motivated, hard working inspiring, woman do at Christmas? 

We volunteer at homeless venues, give clothing to women's shelters and don't forget the babies needing bears while confined to their hospital beds.

 We attend our place of worship, gain spiritual strength and pray for the right here and now, leaving our future in the hands of our maker. 

We look back over the year and figure out what worked and what didn't; who should stay and who should go.

So when the question is asked of you, pull out your list of things to do,  check it twice and know that being single can be quite nice. 

Oh and you know this applies to New Years' also,  right?

Smooches ladies

KeshiaDawn

Thank You

Wooosahhhh. In the last couple of days, I've been in my feelings, as the young folk say but the moment I ran across John Patrick Adams' blog entry, "You Helped Me" I knew I had to complete what I had started.

He references running into individuals from his past and them almost being in awe that he is okay, looking good and put together. After an exchange of pleasantries from the other party, he thanks them but more for himself because in hindsight, whatever it was they did or didn't do, it ultimately helped him become who he is. 

And...Then..I..Exhaled.

I too ran into my past and it was quaint and cute for the dinner party we attended via a mutual friend and the conversation that came after...but like some good things, the past brought the messiness it left with; someone who once broke the friendship, girl-code and left with the title acquaintance.  Instead of going into hissy fit mode (I finally crawled out) I had to really calm down and figure out what this moment was teaching me.

These days I'm all about sisterhood, so of course that would be tested, right? My understanding of an individual relationship with self, it being one of the most important relationships that will exist, I know if it's not 100%, misery will hunt for company.

You don't have to have diamonds, money, cars or  be the Who's Who of America for people to dislike you. It can be your ministry, your personality or even your ability to overcome obstacles in life, that make people dislike you. Crazy? Yeah, I know.

But with each person who lend themselves to be your battle, thank them in advance and know they are helping you.

So I salute!

Thank you for helping break up an already broken relationship;  It had ran it's course and I was holding on because it was familiar
Thank you for helping me realize the difference between friend and acquaintance
Thank you for helping me realize my heart is big enough to forgive
Thank you for helping me realize I didn't pray for you after you did what you did but now I am
Thank you for helping me realize how I truly am a great person for being able to laugh, talk, and reminisce on days of old with you, even when you darkened part of that world. I moved on.

You helped me realize that I'm going in the direction God has for me; to help young ladies overcome low-self esteem and to lift one another, believing true sisterhood really does exist.

My heart is clean, there is no bitterness, no hate and no confusion. For me to be able to hug you, break bread with you and still smile your way after your 2014 entrance, I still pray you find your peace and comfort in life.

...when your purpose is tested, all you can say is Thank You!

~KeshiaDawn

Phases

By now you should know that I've allowed myself to become transparent. Not on "purpose" But in purpose.

It's amazing how life hands you obstacles;  some which lead to happiness and others you believe will down right kill you. In all of my, "Lord I know this will kill me moments, " I never thought I'd end up where I am. Free and transparent.

My life may mirror so many others, may be a priceless to some and others may shake their heads. Whatever THEY may say, I know my own truths and even though I won't claim my childhood a total write off,  there are some things I could have lived without.

Years progressed and life sailed on. But even with a nice breeze, the waves can still rock the boat. What does that mean? It means I inadvertainly took junk with me into my adulthood. I let the sting of my youth travel with me into my adulthood instead of allowing it to scab over.

When I was younger, I had a habit of holding cups in my mouth with my teeth, leaving my hands free. I'm not sure if it was all for fun or just for the challenge to see if I could do it; drink my refreshment faster and without spilling it. 

One day, I repeated this hobby while sitting on my aunt's porch one hot summer's day. Thinking nothing of it, I placed the refreshment up to my mouth and began to clinch down with my little teeth. It took no longer than a couple of seconds before blood started to gush from my mouth.

Out of habit I trusted that the same thing I had been doing over and over would give me the same results. What I didn't consider was that unlike the cups which previously played along, the glass I clinched this time would leave a scar that I still own, on the left side of my mouth. 

My physical scar took a while to heal but it did. It went through the phase of stinging and bleeding before it actually started to seal up and scab over. Before it was all said and done, I was left with remnants of all I had gone through, but it no longer hurt. 

Though you've been through life's ups and downs, heartache without understanding, hurt by loved ones, relationships have left you broken, unemployment has left you homeless and having to start over from scratch, and is still etched in your heart and mind.... you're still here. 

Even with wounds we can persevere over it all. It takes time, nourishment to our pain and learning to reverse what brought pain to us to begin with. 

Take a moment to reflect on what is stinging in your life and honestly write down the steps that can lead you to freedom. Allow the healing to begin.

All in love,

~Keshia Dawn



Follow me on Twitter: TheKeshiDawn

Girlfriend

Since the release of my first, "relationself" guide, I've "lost" some people in my life. No they didn't die,  but they have removed themselves from the Keshia Dawn side of who I am.  But here's the thing. .. this is who I've been all along.

I was on Twitter one day and Jacque Reid came along and said, "Girlfriend, don't sit back and let me make stupid relationship decisions."  THAT released the build up I had about the path I'm traveling. For a brief moment, I almost considered shutting down my way of help and encouragement because those who have been so near and dear had shut me out. But just like that (insert snap here) I revisited my purpose in life.

And with that being said, I plan on continuing my story of healing in order to help others do the same.

I don't know, maybe people are embarrassed about my transparency and some believe somethings shouldn't be shared. I'm the opposite in my thinking. I believe so many people hurt and have no avenue toward healing because everyone wants to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

You know when people say, "I love hard?" Well, I'm one of those people. And that is extended to family and friends alike. That being said, when anyone brings their heartache and pain to me to discuss, or I, along with the world know that a situation they are in is not conducive to happy living...that's right, I voice my opinion in a way that hopefully motivates them to go a different route. 

I'm vocal and that's nothing new, I've always been that way. I've never been one to sit back and just accept what is thrown my way without questioning why. And THAT is why I believe my phone rings or text messages show up on my android asking my opinion. I'm going to tell the truth and that's simply because we all deserve better than what we are accepting.

What is the purpose of being a true friend if I only care about your Michael Kors pumps and matching bag and not your heart, mind and soul?

So am I'm reaching or stepping on toes. Yes, I am reaching, to possibly help save lives; lives of young women who are mistaking physical abuse for love.

I'm reaching for parents to be parents until breath leaves their bodies; for families to break the curse, neglect and addiction. And stepping on toes? I can only do that when you can't own up to what is still broken in your life.

So, girlfriend, no I won't sit back and let you make stupid relationship decisions. I won't just pretend your black-eye blend in with your eyeshadow. I won't agree that it's okay to stay in relationships that don't serve you purpose but diminish you, or that putting mommy duties off on others is okay. Not when I know my purpose in life is to encourage you through it all.

By now, everyone knows I held on to hurt from my childhood because I didn't have an outlet. Or  that I dealt with relationships that served no purpose because that was all I saw. Or even that my being a single parent came after dating someone on and off for over ten years and yet him still dropping the ball on the both of us. Talk about some pain? Even with all of that I'm a conqueror, a survivor and still standing, which is what I want for every young woman I come in contact with.

Someone helped me. Listened to me and steered me in the right direction.

So girlfriend, know that my telling my story is for you and every woman who loves just like you do. It's for those who have hurt, cried and even died. It's about serving a purpose bigger than even my own hurt and pain.

Girlfriend, It's all love.

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SISTERHOOD of LADIES OVERCOMING WOUNDS; Digging Out of WeakNests 

(S.L.O.W Down)

~Keshia Dawn