Is Dating a Sport?

Since my last entry, my upcoming release, Cut to the Chase has found its home on Amazon's pre-order page! Can I get a whoop, whoop! Thanks.

 So of course I'm in full-throttle mode, writing book two in The Chase series and writing snippets down for the third installation (yep, there will be a third). Dealing with Christina, Nedra, Randi and Millie with their dating DOs and DON'Ts has sparked a flare in my thinking cap. And out of the blue a question pops into my ever racing mind.

Is dating a sport?

I know, I know. How can you compare the two? But think about it, how can you not?

In most instances, it's no longer, boy meets girl, dates girl and marries girl. It lingers a bit longer. More like boy meets girls, dates girls, dates girls, dates girls and oh yeah, dates girls.  Or of course vice versa.

Now this is all fine and dandy if no one is seeking more than a mere date here and there. But what if more is wanted? What if marriage is the ultimate goal?

Well just like different sports activities can be exciting and rewarding, the game ends and only one team wins. As well with dating, is it a game?

When you realize you are in the game, the sweating begins. The nervousness of doing, saying, and being what you think the other person wants plays a part. Do you tweak who you are, what you do and what you really want? Do you settle for what is offered knowing the package is only a third of what you know you need?

The chasing. Do you show your aggression by running toward someone who may be running from you?

Then there are the muscles. You guessed it. The heart muscles are stretched, pinched and pulled in every which away. And just like a torn ligament, it takes time and relaxation from the activity which the heart so dearly yearns.

Dating may have you sitting on the sideline at times but just like any trained sport, every act starts in the mind so never forget to plan your plays.

So I question. Do you think dating is used in a sport like manner? Who can get the trophy? Who gets the win?

Just a thought

~Keshia Dawn

Cut to the Chase

Are you at the age when you feel there definitely should to be a ring on your finger? Yes, that finger (Who came up with that rule anyway, right?) 

Ever think, "There has got to be a better way. What if I..." And you fill in the blank with the most hideous idea! Right, me either. 

For those who really are tired of the singleness or for those who are in stale relationships, just how far would you go to become a Mrs. to a Mr.? Online dating, impromptu hookups from your friends, singles events...jocking-your-friend's-dad? Oooooooooo or gross; you choose.

Just what is considered taboo, as far as women getting to the altar by any means necessary? Would you be willing to pay for all of the lunch dates, movie dates and let's not forget about putt-putt golf. 

What about buying airfare for the weekend get-a-way? Or hooking him up with a nice wardrobe when he turns you down for the black tie affair because he doesn't own a tux? Are you willing to slide your credit card once or twice?

Then there are the guys who keep you in limbo. You know, the ones who go by the rules, what she don't know won't hurt her and then fifty years later you find out he's an ax murderer. No really, it happens.

It's questionable how far us ladies should allow ourselves to be strung along hoping the right question will soon be asked. The one that leads with, "Will you be my..."

Should we help the naive, never gonna get it guys out or allow them to go at their own pace? Should we backdate our questions to find out what they really have going on or sit mum and look pretty. Don't forget to bat your eyelashes.

Whatever you choose, choose wisely. Cut to the chase and you may just cut off the path to what is really meant to be.

~ Keshia Dawn

CUT TO THE CHASE - Available October 7, 2014

With the support of one another, four friends battle the unwanted singleness that has engulfed them far too long. Seeking a resolution to walk down the aisle sooner than later, each come up with their own plan hoping it will lead them to become a Mrs. to the right Mr., even if it means cutting to the chase in order to do so.

 

Christina is a single mother and figures it’s time to allow someone into the world she has built for herself and her son Niko. When an old love reappears, she enlists the help of funny and witty Dr. Vile to help with her dating  dilemmas. Especially when Niko's principal adds to her confusion by letting her know he has more than pencils and paper on his mind.

Nedra is the mother-hen of the group. With her world revolved around being the church's secretary, taking notes for her dad who is also the pastor, Nedra is engulfed in a world she once ran from. Still holding herself hostage from mistakes from years ago, Nedra figures eating Twizzlers and online dating is all she deserves.

Unlike the other women, Randi has the greatest boyfriend in the world. Except he won't propose. At the age of thirty-one Randi figured Phillip would have asked for her hand in marriage by now. Not willing to wait another day, Randi has made a decision she believes Phillip will have no choice but to accept.

Millie, the youngest of the group is feisty and she knows it. In love with Mr. Wrong, her colorful vocabulary allows her to proclaim to be the long lost daughter of Blues singer Millie Jackson. Figuring a piece of a man is better than no man at all, Millie hangs on as Taser takes her through love's highs and lows.

Cut to the Chase takes readers through the woes of being single while fighting for hope through relationship possibilities. 

Recognize

Youth has a lot to do with the continuous eagerness in seeking and finding a relationship. With not so many heartaches and bad experiences in that department,  it's easy to jump back into the dating game after a young love has dwindled.  Add some decades to the same old rigamarole and Dallas, we have a problem.

I'm all for the books, the guides that hype us and teach us how to talk to men,  find men,  text men, date men and hopefully marry a man.  But I honestly and truly believe before any of those things need to be considered, all things pertaining to a man need to be put on hold. That is until we first deal with self.

Like Honey BooBoo said on her show, I too believe we first need to red-neck-a-nize, i.e. recognize what our hang-ups are, what hinders us from getting it right the first, second and sometimes the third time. 

In my latest release S.L.O.W. Down, I share how growing up viewing what love isn't, played a big part in my relationships. Early in my dating world, my heart  pulled me into unions that resembled that same heartache and pain. There were tears, break ups and make ups which should have just remained broken. There were arguments, non-stop disagreements and a merry-go-round of confusion of what love was. So with that, I ran from love at top speed.

Then one day it happened. It all clicked. 

I looked around at those relationships which left others defeated, unhappy and full of disappointment. Although I definitely didn't want to take part, I finally recognized my fear of becoming consumed in the same had turned me so far away that I also turned from the great possibilities that were awaiting me.

So I now recognize  all relationships aren't the same. I also know that no one has to remain in those situations. But most of all I now know taking a chance on healthy love begins when all minds are clear, when the past is not compared to the future and life takes it's natural course.

The key to being free from your past is to first recognize how the past can hinder your future. 

Coming to terms with what has left an invisible scar, being honest with self and willing to move forward will start the process of healing the misconstrued view of love.

~KeshiaDawn

Guard Your Heart;Choose You

It's no secret. I've shared my dating fears and how my actions  hindered me from promising relationships. My skepticism of what may happen was the brick wall built around my heart and an end to my beginnings. Though it's a hard pill to swallow, I take full responsibility knowing I single-handedly sabotaged a promising future with a few good men. It happens. I've learned.

In the midst of beating myself over the head about being the possible run-away girlfriend, I had to stop and think; things could be worse. Keeping your guard up just tad, just may save lives.

In the news, it's  hard to see young women continuously dying from the hands of a person who supposedly love them. In between the movies, dining and holidays together, there are dark moments others don't see until a young women is being carried away in a bodybag.

You see it on YouTube, Facebook, the vicious beating of a young lady by her husband or boyfriend. You hear of the latest tragic death of a beautiful woman due to domestic violence and you think, would she have still been here if she would have second guessed her choosing?

By second guessing of her choosing, I specifically mean for us as women to choose ourselves. When unhealthy relationships are on a merry-go-round rotation, no time given for self growth and staying because you're hopeful of a great turn-around, the past is bound to repeat itself. One slap now becomes two and two multiplies to four...and so on.

I wonder, almost worry about those who have the opposite experience as I had; having no fear in the dating department, but rather the fear of leaving.Staying with someone who abuses you because of the convenience and the possibility of things getting better can be detrimental to your future, if not your life.

I totally agree that the silent killer, heart disease is running rampant in our communities,but at least we are talking about it.We are exercising our way to fitness so our lives will be prolonged and our health remain intact. Silence needs to be broken for the abuse that is cutting off lives and leaving children without mothers.

In my latest release, S.L.O.W. Down, I talk indepth about walking away from situations which only bring you down, keep you down and beat you down. But the walking away part only begins with you.

It's time to get wise in our choosing, guarding our hearts against poisoned love. And though we can't dictate what others do and say, we are very capable of loving ourselves away from circumstances not befitting for us.

Choosing you just may save your life.

~Keshia Dawn

Alone Time

After getting over whatever hindrances you had in your past dating/relationships, the first step is of course to slow down; so much that the only person you are dating is yourself. 

It may be easier said than done, some may say, but giving yourself time to breathe after one relationship has ended and another begins will only benefit your mind and body.

Personally I've never had a issue going out and doing things alone. Even as far back as high school during my senior year when I had half days, I recall going to the movies to see Friday when it was first released. Alone. I didn't think about it, fear about it or wait around for someone else to make the decision for me. I just went and I conquered. 

Though I'm hardly alone in this regularity, I've heard so many others say the total opposite.  I've been questioned how can I even muster being seen alone in public eating, shopping or just by myself doing whatever. I believe the answer is because, um, I like myself. 

In this dating world, it's really not that much different. Being alone, i.e., not dating anyone at the moment, doesn't mean you are lonely. It is a time to gather from your past mistakes, set goals and work hard, preparing for your future. When this space is not tended to, history is almost certain to repeat itself.

We all know those who just have to be in a relationship... just to be in a relationship. Even if the relationship is raggedy or they are having to share the love of their life with another, it doesn't matter to them because the instant gratification soothes them just fine. Whether it is realized or not this decision  is not healthy. Being a serial relationship hopper and finding yourself  changing your Facebook status more than twice a year can be detrimental to your whole world. Especially if you have yet to deal with yourself first.

Is it that the continuous merry-go-round of finding yourself in a meaningless, unfulfilled pseudo relationship takes your mind off of you and what may be the cause of your issues? Could it be your time alone allows you to think of everything you should be working on and that scares you? Face it. 

So I question, what's the big problem with slowing it down between breakups and figuring out the facts of your life before the next relationship?

Are you dating and settling for the same type of person over and again? Are you even in connection with yourself  to figure out just who you are, your desires and what you yourself can offer? Or is just having someone to have a date to the next summer block buster enough?

Taking time out to do some soul searching and figuring out your next move, is your best move.  

First,  recognize your pattern of wanting to have just anybody, somebody in your space to make you feel complete.  Know that mentally and emotionally you have to spend time alone to cleanse yourself of all the negative that had lingered a little too long.  Readjust your thinking.  You must think about what you are doing.  Jumping from one Joe Blow to the next in order to make yourself feel fulfilled instead of counseling, going back to school or turning your hobby into your career is just buying time until the next meltdown. Lastly, reversing  everything you have done or allowed to put you in the never ending cycle has got to be cut loose.

 So taking time out for yourself in your alone time only ends the cyclic disarray of self torture.  If it's broke  and we all know when it's broke...take the time out and date yourself in order to fix it. 

S.L.O.W. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating

Get your copy now on Amazon.com!!

Wed or Walk Away

It's not rocket science...it's love. Or it's not.

From my understanding, making a decision to be in a relationship means you are ready and willing to go to the next level with the one you are connected to. It means you trust their  friendship  and believe they have your best interest at hand.

It means peace resides between what the two of you have built and things can only grow from there. There is no tooth pulling when the question come as to what you are doing and which direction you are headed.

The ease of the phrase,  I love you oozes in the midst of conversation at any particular moment. The delicate display of just how much love resides is shown with each hug, kiss or simple touch.

To know when to wed (marry) can be just that simple; it's a healthy, happy and thriving relationship. Got it?  Got it.

So just the opposite. Wait. The total opposite. So far removed from love that it resembles hate. Yep. Time to walk away...sometimes, run away.

No one really has to explain to you what love isn't. You know first hand. Maybe because of the disconnect of the relationship or the added reminder with verbal or physical abuse. Walk away.
Got it? No...read my excerpt below:

"It seems to be easier said than done to be able to walk away from relationship you are tied to in some form. Maybe you wonder just how to leave the only man you’ve ever loved, even if he had three kids ...while you were together. How do you escape the man that pays the bills but beat you every Friday?  How do you walk away from the man who tells you what you want to hear but does the total opposite?

Well the first step, of course is to not get in it in the first place. I know, I know, but just let me say this. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them back. Being flattered by someone liking you and wanting to get to know you better has bamboozled so many people into relationships that really aren’t fit for them. You have to know the difference between getting caught up in the moment and letting true love find you. Stop settling just because you don’t know how your ending looks and you reason that something is better than nothing. Just walk away."

S.L.OW. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating