Sunday, July 20, 2014

Guard Your Heart;Choose You

It's no secret. I've shared my dating fears and how my actions  hindered me from promising relationships. My skepticism of what may happen was the brick wall built around my heart and an end to my beginnings. Though it's a hard pill to swallow, I take full responsibility knowing I single-handedly sabotaged a promising future with a few good men. It happens. I've learned.

In the midst of beating myself over the head about being the possible run-away girlfriend, I had to stop and think; things could be worse. Keeping your guard up just tad, just may save lives.

In the news, it's  hard to see young women continuously dying from the hands of a person who supposedly love them. In between the movies, dining and holidays together, there are dark moments others don't see until a young women is being carried away in a bodybag.

You see it on YouTube, Facebook, the vicious beating of a young lady by her husband or boyfriend. You hear of the latest tragic death of a beautiful woman due to domestic violence and you think, would she have still been here if she would have second guessed her choosing?

By second guessing of her choosing, I specifically mean for us as women to choose ourselves. When unhealthy relationships are on a merry-go-round rotation, no time given for self growth and staying because you're hopeful of a great turn-around, the past is bound to repeat itself. One slap now becomes two and two multiplies to four...and so on.

I wonder, almost worry about those who have the opposite experience as I had; having no fear in the dating department, but rather the fear of leaving.Staying with someone who abuses you because of the convenience and the possibility of things getting better can be detrimental to your future, if not your life.

I totally agree that the silent killer, heart disease is running rampant in our communities,but at least we are talking about it.We are exercising our way to fitness so our lives will be prolonged and our health remain intact. Silence needs to be broken for the abuse that is cutting off lives and leaving children without mothers.

In my latest release, S.L.O.W. Down, I talk indepth about walking away from situations which only bring you down, keep you down and beat you down. But the walking away part only begins with you.

It's time to get wise in our choosing, guarding our hearts against poisoned love. And though we can't dictate what others do and say, we are very capable of loving ourselves away from circumstances not befitting for us.

Choosing you just may save your life.

~Keshia Dawn

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Alone Time

After getting over whatever hindrances you had in your past dating/relationships, the first step is of course to slow down; so much that the only person you are dating is yourself. 

It may be easier said than done, some may say, but giving yourself time to breathe after one relationship has ended and another begins will only benefit your mind and body.

Personally I've never had a issue going out and doing things alone. Even as far back as high school during my senior year when I had half days, I recall going to the movies to see Friday when it was first released. Alone. I didn't think about it, fear about it or wait around for someone else to make the decision for me. I just went and I conquered. 

Though I'm hardly alone in this regularity, I've heard so many others say the total opposite.  I've been questioned how can I even muster being seen alone in public eating, shopping or just by myself doing whatever. I believe the answer is because, um, I like myself. 

In this dating world, it's really not that much different. Being alone, i.e., not dating anyone at the moment, doesn't mean you are lonely. It is a time to gather from your past mistakes, set goals and work hard, preparing for your future. When this space is not tended to, history is almost certain to repeat itself.

We all know those who just have to be in a relationship... just to be in a relationship. Even if the relationship is raggedy or they are having to share the love of their life with another, it doesn't matter to them because the instant gratification soothes them just fine. Whether it is realized or not this decision  is not healthy. Being a serial relationship hopper and finding yourself  changing your Facebook status more than twice a year can be detrimental to your whole world. Especially if you have yet to deal with yourself first.

Is it that the continuous merry-go-round of finding yourself in a meaningless, unfulfilled pseudo relationship takes your mind off of you and what may be the cause of your issues? Could it be your time alone allows you to think of everything you should be working on and that scares you? Face it. 

So I question, what's the big problem with slowing it down between breakups and figuring out the facts of your life before the next relationship?

Are you dating and settling for the same type of person over and again? Are you even in connection with yourself  to figure out just who you are, your desires and what you yourself can offer? Or is just having someone to have a date to the next summer block buster enough?

Taking time out to do some soul searching and figuring out your next move, is your best move.  

First,  recognize your pattern of wanting to have just anybody, somebody in your space to make you feel complete.  Know that mentally and emotionally you have to spend time alone to cleanse yourself of all the negative that had lingered a little too long.  Readjust your thinking.  You must think about what you are doing.  Jumping from one Joe Blow to the next in order to make yourself feel fulfilled instead of counseling, going back to school or turning your hobby into your career is just buying time until the next meltdown. Lastly, reversing  everything you have done or allowed to put you in the never ending cycle has got to be cut loose.

 So taking time out for yourself in your alone time only ends the cyclic disarray of self torture.  If it's broke  and we all know when it's broke...take the time out and date yourself in order to fix it. 

Get your copy now on!!