Thursday, May 29, 2014


"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." ~MayaAngelou

Thursday, May 22, 2014

All About the V


That's the culprit. Or so one thinks. Well, if that one allows it to be the case that is. Okay, okay, I'm that one. I'm the very one who feared vulnerability to be the enemy.

Webster's  dictionary defines being vulnerable, in adjective form, as being capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. Used as a noun it means to be exposed.

That, my dear, has been my fear.

This is what it all boils down to. Me having to expose my feelings and willing myself to become hurt all for the process of love.  Confusing to say the least, but I figure it makes sense. The love we all desire in one form or another comes with the price tag stating we are volunteering our hearts to become  bruised. Right? That's the road to love. Am I right??

And there is no way around it.

Pain is inevitable in this lifetime and in this world we live in today. What behooved me for years was not having the understanding as to why love had to take part in such pain. Why did the very thing that could bring us complete joy be the very thing that sent us into a tailspin of emotional turmoil?

So I ran.

I didn't see the need to subject myself to this self-inflicted deceit when others were doing so all around me. Why give more tears than are needed? Why take up space where so many others wanted to be? Besides I had been there and the scar tissue was an overwhelming reminder of how I had trusted the process once before.

Being vulnerable meant I would be  placing my mind, body and soul into the hands of the unknown. It meant trusting another with a blindfold and hoping they hit the apple with the bow and arrow instead of my heart. An iffy situation if you ask me.

But everyone wants love. And if not, we definitely need it. I need it.

So I had to pick my battle.

Do I stay in my cocoon of safety, or do I embark on what I know will bring me uneasiness? Do I give up after never really giving it a try? Do I allow my fear of a maybe hurt, run away the possibility of a maybe happily ever after.

I fought vulnerability.

I won.

From Keshia...with love.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

How I feel Today

I'm so excited about my new blog and the avenue it's presenting not only for me but some of my closest friends. Please enjoy the entry below.

I know nothing about blogging & I'm not a writer but this is how I feel today...

Have you ever sat and thought about your life and immediately said "I need a do over." You think about all of the hell you've gone through or currently going through and just wish you could go back and do things over to erase the past. That's where I am now! Absolutely nothing can erase the hurt and pain I've gone through but if I got a "do over" I would certainly make some different choices.  People I've allowed in my life would no longer be there, I would avoid situations I never should have been in and I would make wiser decisions.

The reality is that I can't turn back the hands of time and do things over again. All I can do is figure out how to deal with the hand I've been dealt. Sounds pretty easy but it's not, especially when what I'm dealing is through no fault of my own. It's also a reality that no matter how hard I try to live a model life (although I slip up from time to time) bad things still happen. Then I start to think "what's the point in trying to live right and still go through hell." Can I just get a "do over" and erase this crap from my life because right now life sucks? Nope!!

So what am I supposed to do to move forward when the past continues to meet the present? I know I need to focus on the cliche that what's to come is so much better than what's been. Ummm, when the past keeps slapping me in the face all I can say is "this sure as hell doesn't look like greater!!"Now since I can't get a "do over" what am I supposed to do?

 You tell me....

Monday, May 12, 2014

Rose-Coloured Glasses

There was a time when I would gloat on what I thought was perfection in other relationships outside of my own. And I'm talking about relationships on every level; parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend, etc... Definitely a case of  being on the outside looking in.

Whenever there was a disagreement of some sort and arguments would surface, it would leave me feeling like a failure,  as if somehow along the way we missed the love mark. I just knew we could learn a thing or two from  other people and how to handle one another with care. But what I didn't realize until years later, seeking perfection in any one person or relationship can leave you unnecessarily ravaged. 

No one should live this life expecting perfection in any one human being. Respect, yes. Perfection? No way. It doesn't exist.

Not one relationship; not a set of siblings, parent/child relationship, boss/employee, no not one is immune from life's circumstances.

The level of perfection we put on ourselves and others can wear us down. I know it did for me. I just knew that anything outside of smiles and laughter was irregular, but I kept living and found out it couldn't be further from the truth. If you love, you love through good and bad. Even with tears at time. 

Running away from normal obstacles in my relationships tired me out, hindered my vulnerability and ultimately injured my trust abilities. Knowing is half the battle.  We are human and no one is perfect.

Ever seek perfection in an imperfect world?

Friday, May 9, 2014

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Fearful of What?

Lions,  tigers and bears, oh my! And yes! 

Definitely understandable to be fearful of big bad animals with sharp teeth and claws. Right?  But love. Why so fearful about love?  

For me, in my dating, relationship, make-up to break-up world, it wasn't the male species I was particularly fearful of.  No, not at all. Rather it was the in between I didn't know about. Yep, I was one of those; confused about the unknown.Why? Besides being cookoo for Coacoa Puffs, doing so would consist of total trust.

Total trust meant I would believe there would never be lies, cheating,  abandonment or  any level of abuse. It would mean I had an honest friend, a best friend at that. It would mean I could count on my right hand man for, if not all, most of my needs. 

It would mean I'm labeling myself to be that same person to him as he was to me. The same person?  Being his best friend, having his back and no lying and cheating. So maybe the fear after all wasn't in him and what he would and wouldn't do, but rather what I could or couldn't.

Trust is very important in relationships and without it there can be no growth. Trust first begins within. You have to trust yourself, your prayers and the answer you receive, enough to know the value you have to give and the love you deserve to receive.

Trust much?

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Big Did It

Sex In The City, a movie that will go down in history for most women!

It was something about that television series that liberated us. It showed us how we can be young, gifted, gorgeous and free. Time with our girls, working hard for our future and of course teaching us a thing or two about love and dating.

The show captured so many questions women around the globe want to know. Am I his type? Will he ask me out? Are we a couple? And of course, will he ask me to marry him? It was a lifeline to discussions we were already having and gave plenty of answers to questions we were too afraid to ask.

But there was one guy that made a difference in it all...yes, definitely Blair in his short stay, but for the long haul, Big made his mark in all of our lives. He was everyone's boyfriend. And you know what that means?

He broke all of our hearts! Yes, time and time again. Carrie's clones cried with her and for her with every hug and kiss Big pounded on her being. And just like that, every time he disappeared, walked away, our tears fell again.

So yes, Big did it. He helped sketch the possibility that love isn't long lasting, could be long lasting, but is not long lasting, but is; but it isn't, long lasting. Ugh. Big did it. He helped set the fear in love.

What was your fear factor in love?