Wed or Walk Away

It's not rocket science...it's love. Or it's not.

From my understanding, making a decision to be in a relationship means you are ready and willing to go to the next level with the one you are connected to. It means you trust their  friendship  and believe they have your best interest at hand.

It means peace resides between what the two of you have built and things can only grow from there. There is no tooth pulling when the question come as to what you are doing and which direction you are headed.

The ease of the phrase,  I love you oozes in the midst of conversation at any particular moment. The delicate display of just how much love resides is shown with each hug, kiss or simple touch.

To know when to wed (marry) can be just that simple; it's a healthy, happy and thriving relationship. Got it?  Got it.

So just the opposite. Wait. The total opposite. So far removed from love that it resembles hate. Yep. Time to walk away...sometimes, run away.

No one really has to explain to you what love isn't. You know first hand. Maybe because of the disconnect of the relationship or the added reminder with verbal or physical abuse. Walk away.
Got it? No...read my excerpt below:

"It seems to be easier said than done to be able to walk away from relationship you are tied to in some form. Maybe you wonder just how to leave the only man you’ve ever loved, even if he had three kids ...while you were together. How do you escape the man that pays the bills but beat you every Friday?  How do you walk away from the man who tells you what you want to hear but does the total opposite?

Well the first step, of course is to not get in it in the first place. I know, I know, but just let me say this. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them back. Being flattered by someone liking you and wanting to get to know you better has bamboozled so many people into relationships that really aren’t fit for them. You have to know the difference between getting caught up in the moment and letting true love find you. Stop settling just because you don’t know how your ending looks and you reason that something is better than nothing. Just walk away."

S.L.OW. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating

O - Observe

Excerpt from, S.L.O.W. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating

"I’ll say the first three months of meeting someone are all about the representative; the person they want you to fall for. Of course he will put on his best apparel, use Colgate whitening and workout two times a day. Within six months things can change. His fabulous tux could be rented, mouth full of veneers and the workout regimen was only for the healthcare discount at his place of employment.  Yep, within six months the real man stands up and you get to know if you’ve seen enough or if you’re ready to see more.

There are numerous questions and scenarios that warrant the observation stage and give you the answers you need. Especially if his given answers are elusive with every question asked.

Questions like, are you sure you’re not married? Even though there is a tan line on his wedding ring finger. How about he says he isn’t in a relationship, but he never answers the phone when a certain number pops up. Wait, do you ever hear the phone ring or is it always on silent? Observe.

Is his place still being remodeled, the reason you haven’t been invited over? What about talking to him on the way home from work but he gets off the phone right before he get out the car? Observe.

Have you been dating and talking on the relationship level and have yet to meet any of his friends? The holidays are coming up and he goes to his family’s place out of town, but you don’t hear from him the whole trip. He loves to be around you and your kid but he has yet to set up a play date for you and his. Observe."

L-Listen

Excerpt from, S.L.O.W.Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming The Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating


"Listening is the type of mechanism, if used appropriately can counteract so many lessons we otherwise wouldn’t have to learn. There is an internal ear, if you will, attached to the soul of a woman which answers so many questions; questions we have yet to even know to ask. Yes, it’s that good.

A woman’s intuition, your gut, God speaking to you; the “umm hmm,” thingy, whatever you call it, is the ear of your soul which gives you the answer you just shouldn’t live without. Though it is forever present, it seems during dating season and relationships it is amplified to the max. It’s a precious jewel that seems to have been especially placed in women. Now, only if we would listen."

Get your copy today on Amazon!!

S.L.O.W. Down...now available

NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE FOR $0.99 

S.L.O.W Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating 

S.L.O.W. Down

S - SPEAK

In the dating realm it's imperative to communicate who you are and what you have to offer. Even the more, it's imperative to communicate what you will and will not accept. Without verbalizing your truths you are setting the path for the other party to dictate the direction you should go; you're simply going along to get along.  Maybe you do as others do, smile and nod just to have someone to call "mine."

Ever hear the phrase, "conversation rules the nation?" Then why are you not speaking up for what you want and need? Here's why.

It's  the fear of not knowing if you will be turned away because of your wants. Maybe it's knowing the person can't fulfill your needs, but you'd rather have them in your space instead of going at it solo, so mums the word.

Keeping yourself silent is not healthy. It's not putting you first. And if you are not putting your needs first, why would anyone else?

Speak up or forever hold your peace!

~Keshia Dawn

S.L.O.W. Down

COMING SOON

Are you evasive with those you date? Are you the one your girlfriends label way too hard on men? Is it too easy for you to walk away from relationship after relationship? Then this books is for you! 

When you find yourself ready for a relationship but  unable to release your inhibitions there may be more than meets the eye. If fear of being vulnerable has trapped you into a vicious cycle of non productive dating, it's time to turn things around. Finding the real reason why you say no to dating and heck no to relationships is imperative and only the beginning to freeing yourself.

S.L.O.W. Down maneuvers through the fear of vulnerability and guides you back into the world of dating smarter than before.

Dating Me

Written By: Brian Johns

The Temporary Fix: Dating oneself.

One of the hardest things to do is love someone who judges the worst in you, or be there for someone who consistently makes empty promises. It isn’t  easy being with a person who is heartbroken and scorned, lives in perpetual denial, or is controlled by his or her every emotion. So why is it when love throws us a curve ball, one of the first suggestions we hear is:  date ourselves?

More often than not we possess the vices aforementioned, especially after a split. Think about it, would you actually consider a relationship with yourself after a breakup? Many of you would probably say yes, but I wouldn’t. 

After letting go of a love or being dumped, my baggage, insecurities, and complaints are not very attractive so I wouldn’t want to encumber anybody with my issues—let alone myself. After a messy separation it’s my responsibility to be strong enough to carry the bags of regret, pride,anger and low self-esteem that I fought so hard to suppress. I am faced with the pressure of retaining my self-respect and Christian sentiment (which is not the easiest thing to do) and as I try not to fall, I have to “date myself” and come to terms with the fact that (once again) I put my complete and total energy into a person who was NOT…the right…one. Frankly that’s a lot to ask of one hurting individual.

Honestly, I believe it’s futile to date myself than jump into another relationship. If my own company could satiate my every need there’d be no need for any interpersonal relationship. Instead, I believe companionship is vital to the human experience and existence—a man needs a woman and vise versa. If it weren’t so, God would have been enough for Adam.With that being said, I’ve adopted a new solution for overcoming heartbreak and enjoying solitude and it’s called: Healing.  

In many instances the body will heal itself with little to no effort on our part, the only catch is, it takes time. For healing to effectively take place there can be no tearing of the wound, and it must be covered and protected so that it’s kept away from all bacteria. I’ve found that once we metaphorically apply those same principles to a broken heart the mending process won’t be as arbitrary—It’ll have some direction.Regardless of how uncomfortable the process may be, once we acknowledge the fact that we’ve been injured and take care of ourselves the restoration will begin. I hear you all asking:  well, isn’t dating myself,taking care of myself? The answer is yes and no.

Although dating oneself conveys a sense of self-empowerment I’ve learned that it’s often a vain attempt to remain in a state of well-being; it’s only a temporary fix. Dating is not a viable method of enduring or overcoming a lovelorn hardship; it’s often a distraction. Allowing your heart to feel what it feels in any given moment and time, acknowledges the healing process. To Rise and Commit to making the next indicated step (whether it’s getting out of bed, eating, or drying your eyes) instigates the healing process. Healing can include going out with your friends or by yourself; learning to enjoy your own company or starting a passion that you may have disregarded. Healing can also involve crying at night or fighting the urge to call the one who hurt you. Just remember to keep the bandage on, which in my case is the word of God and apply ointment daily, which is prayer, laughter, and love.

So, instead of reciting the phrase “I’m dating myself” I lead with “I am healing” because it honors where I am and reminds me of where I am going.Once I focus on that, the pain makes more sense because I know that it’s only for season and its ultimately part of the process.

Coming summer 2014!

S.L.O.W. Down

I had the pleasure of attending a wedding this weekend and love was in the air. The festivities had a way of putting an extra curve to my smile and dreaminess to my thoughts. But I slowed it down real quick, don't worry.

You see it hasn't been that long ago since I've come off of my fear factor high of running from vulnerability. Although I'm trekking along nicely, I still have a ways to go. And that's a good thing.

Think about it single people! After you've gone through so many battles in you're singleness, and in your destroyed before it's even started relationships, you have to slow the buggy down in order to get back on the straight and narrow. Date yourself for a moment, gather the knowledge you need from past mistakes or lessons learned before hopping back on the saddle.

So many bypass the moment of self awareness and jump right to the next big love affair when in actuality they are missing out on loving the one who will be there for years to come; self. Without taking a break between dating and relationships, growth can be stalled, thinking become hazed, making a concoction for mind, body and soul deterioration.So what do you do? You just simply, S.L.O.W. Down. 

Speak, Listen, Observe, Wed or have the courage to Walk away. That's right. There really is a method to my madness and I'm ready to share it with you. Please be on the look out for my summer release:

S.L.O.W. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming The Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating