Monday, December 29, 2014

All Questioned Out! Happy New Year!



Five,  four,  three,  two,  one!  Happy New Year! 

In just a couple of days most of us will be yelling at the tops of our lungs, moving 2014 out the door and ushering a crisp 2015 in. There will be prayers, cheering, tears and celebratory moments of welcoming in the new beginning. 

I must admit,  2014 was a challenge BUT it pushed me further and deeper into my purpose. I mean,  that's the reason for breathing,  right? Well, with that,  all I can say is that I'm thankful for my lessons and how they have catapulted me in my predestined direction. 

 Even still, I must admit my heart did ache as my relationships were being tested.  Whether romantic,  platonic,  family and even work, at one time or another my lifelines were on the surveying block.  

This past year I questioned the definition of family and support, needing the confirmation that the two really did belong in the same sentence. I questioned how much of myself did I have to give in order for my love to be confirmed.  I questioned if friendships would remain the same when I pulled back my emotional giving.  I even questioned if my corporate work ethic would pay off in title or monetary security; could I be fulfilled.

When I asked these questions to the One who made me, He answered in the simplest terms.

He sent a special person to fill a void I had felt for years. He let me know my love is to be given just as his love is ongoing. He confirmed that even in my pain,  there is a lesson and when giving yourself to others, expect nothing in return for He truly is all the friend I need. 

With two books released this year,  I can only say how thankful I am to have a gift that inspires others and fulfills me in my ultimate direction. 

Although I've forever known I was gifted to  encourage,  this year my purpose on this earth has manifest itself even the more and I'm so grateful that I know who and whose I am. It makes a difference.

The questions have ceased and I've found my peace and my direction. The one relationship that grew and blossomed even more was my spiritual bond with God. He covers a multitude of concerns,  heartache and disappointments and ultimately all the 2015 questions have already been answered. 

It's a wrap on last year and action time for 2015.  I dare look back with should've, could've,  would've thoughts but rather as a student in life knowing the teacher always answers right on time. 




Keshia Dawn

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Cuffing Season

It's the winter time and cuffing season has begun! Did you Inadvertently sign up? Don't know what I'm talking about? Well, I looked it up on the world wide web and this is the definition I found.

Cuffing season is a portion of the year when men shed their summer bachelor skin and start to feel lonely as the weather turns colder.

Hence, you just may become someone's boo for a good three to four months. Is that enough for you?

Although it seems as though this "cuffing season" no longer has specific months, around the holidays show to be the time when it is talked about the most. So just how do you avoid being a cuffee, er', how do you avoid getting cuffed instead of ringed? (I know, but it just sounded right).

We need to know, right ladies? Why? Because some men come out the wood works with the phone calls and texting and the, "you know I miss you right?" <Exhale here>

Help! I want to know.

Is there a cutoff month to pass your number to a new guy in order to start the whole dating process without being trapped in a season that will come to an unwanted end?

Like, if you miss the last hot summer concert in August without meeting a potential, should you stock up on Red Box movies and microwave popcorn for the holiday/winter season?

What about October? Is that pushing it? You know when the sun hides behind the Fall clouds.  Do you cut off meeting someone new for the sake of becoming a winter snuggle-buddy?

This is what I'm doing, um, I mean what I think should be done. Date! Have fun, see movies, but don't make any life decisions and definitely don't make any bedroom decisions that you may regret after the winter fog has cleared. Capish?

After the coats are shed, tucked away and loafers are traded for summer sandals and you get to see the toes you've played footsie with...will your cuffing season evolve into more?

Have you received this text message? Then ask yourself, "Have I been cuffed?"

~Keshia Dawn


Sunday, November 30, 2014

What Do The Lonely Do?

It's officially the holiday season!! And so, the million dollar question is... What do the lonely do at Christmas? Wait,  don't answer that. 

By now you should know that I am a single, non-married Black woman in America, to the point where I actually think I'm the poster child for "This Is How To Be a Successful Single, " yada, yada, yada.  

I'm single,  I get it,  but I'm not in the complaining business because I truly believe that in everything,  there is a season. With that being said, I do know there are others who may not be in that accepting space. 

I do understand. 

Jay Moss just released a new cd and my favorite song so far is, "It Is What It Is." If taken for face value,  the song sums up our situation, with its chorus, "Some things aren't for understanding, some things aren't for comprehending,  it is what it is. " 

Ha! That's right. 

What I do know is that you can't do anything to change your situation at this moment unless you are already on the verge of crossing over into a relationship.  And if that is the case,  get it girl! 

If that isn't the case but you definitely have your I's dotted, your T's crossed and you're otherwise confident in the woman you see when you look in the mirror, not forgetting that those who love you confirm all the above, then your being single just is what it is. 

It's your shift. You know,  like the schedule no one wants at work or the kiddie table you can't wait to outgrow at the family gathering. Get it? It will pass over and you will finally get that spot you've longed for. 

Instead of wallowing in the complaining zone this holiday season, or singing Christmas carols that will only leave you adding tears to the egg nog,  accept that you are where you are and things won't always be this way.

So again, what do the happily single,  self-motivated, hard working inspiring, woman do at Christmas? 

We volunteer at homeless venues, give clothing to women's shelters and don't forget the babies needing bears while confined to their hospital beds.

 We attend our place of worship, gain spiritual strength and pray for the right here and now, leaving our future in the hands of our maker. 

We look back over the year and figure out what worked and what didn't; who should stay and who should go.

So when the question is asked of you, pull out your list of things to do,  check it twice and know that being single can be quite nice. 

Oh and you know this applies to New Years' also,  right?

Smooches ladies

KeshiaDawn

Monday, November 24, 2014

Thank You

Wooosahhhh. In the last couple of days, I've been in my feelings, as the young folk say but the moment I ran across John Patrick Adams' blog entry, "You Helped Me" I knew I had to complete what I had started.

He references running into individuals from his past and them almost being in awe that he is okay, looking good and put together. After an exchange of pleasantries from the other party, he thanks them but more for himself because in hindsight, whatever it was they did or didn't do, it ultimately helped him become who he is. 

And...Then..I..Exhaled.

I too ran into my past and it was quaint and cute for the dinner party we attended via a mutual friend and the conversation that came after...but like some good things, the past brought the messiness it left with; someone who once broke the friendship, girl-code and left with the title acquaintance.  Instead of going into hissy fit mode (I finally crawled out) I had to really calm down and figure out what this moment was teaching me.

These days I'm all about sisterhood, so of course that would be tested, right? My understanding of an individual relationship with self, it being one of the most important relationships that will exist, I know if it's not 100%, misery will hunt for company.

You don't have to have diamonds, money, cars or  be the Who's Who of America for people to dislike you. It can be your ministry, your personality or even your ability to overcome obstacles in life, that make people dislike you. Crazy? Yeah, I know.

But with each person who lend themselves to be your battle, thank them in advance and know they are helping you.

So I salute!

Thank you for helping break up an already broken relationship;  It had ran it's course and I was holding on because it was familiar
Thank you for helping me realize the difference between friend and acquaintance
Thank you for helping me realize my heart is big enough to forgive
Thank you for helping me realize I didn't pray for you after you did what you did but now I am
Thank you for helping me realize how I truly am a great person for being able to laugh, talk, and reminisce on days of old with you, even when you darkened part of that world. I moved on.

You helped me realize that I'm going in the direction God has for me; to help young ladies overcome low-self esteem and to lift one another, believing true sisterhood really does exist.

My heart is clean, there is no bitterness, no hate and no confusion. For me to be able to hug you, break bread with you and still smile your way after your 2014 entrance, I still pray you find your peace and comfort in life.

...when your purpose is tested, all you can say is Thank You!

~KeshiaDawn



Sunday, November 16, 2014

Phases


By now you should know that I've allowed myself to become transparent. Not on "purpose" But in purpose.

It's amazing how life hands you obstacles;  some which lead to happiness and others you believe will down right kill you. In all of my, "Lord I know this will kill me moments, " I never thought I'd end up where I am. Free and transparent.

My life may mirror so many others, may be a priceless to some and others may shake their heads. Whatever THEY may say, I know my own truths and even though I won't claim my childhood a total write off,  there are some things I could have lived without.

Years progressed and life sailed on. But even with a nice breeze, the waves can still rock the boat. What does that mean? It means I inadvertainly took junk with me into my adulthood. I let the sting of my youth travel with me into my adulthood instead of allowing it to scab over.

When I was younger, I had a habit of holding cups in my mouth with my teeth, leaving my hands free. I'm not sure if it was all for fun or just for the challenge to see if I could do it; drink my refreshment faster and without spilling it. 

One day, I repeated this hobby while sitting on my aunt's porch one hot summer's day. Thinking nothing of it, I placed the refreshment up to my mouth and began to clinch down with my little teeth. It took no longer than a couple of seconds before blood started to gush from my mouth.

Out of habit I trusted that the same thing I had been doing over and over would give me the same results. What I didn't consider was that unlike the cups which previously played along, the glass I clinched this time would leave a scar that I still own, on the left side of my mouth. 

My physical scar took a while to heal but it did. It went through the phase of stinging and bleeding before it actually started to seal up and scab over. Before it was all said and done, I was left with remnants of all I had gone through, but it no longer hurt. 

Though you've been through life's ups and downs, heartache without understanding, hurt by loved ones, relationships have left you broken, unemployment has left you homeless and having to start over from scratch, and is still etched in your heart and mind.... you're still here. 

Even with wounds we can persevere over it all. It takes time, nourishment to our pain and learning to reverse what brought pain to us to begin with. 

Take a moment to reflect on what is stinging in your life and honestly write down the steps that can lead you to freedom. Allow the healing to begin.

All in love,

~Keshia Dawn



Follow me on Twitter: TheKeshiDawn

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Girlfriend

Since the release of my first, "relationself" guide, I've "lost" some people in my life. No they didn't die,  but they have removed themselves from the Keshia Dawn side of who I am.  But here's the thing. .. this is who I've been all along.

I was on Twitter one day and Jacque Reid came along and said, "Girlfriend, don't sit back and let me make stupid relationship decisions."  THAT released the build up I had about the path I'm traveling. For a brief moment, I almost considered shutting down my way of help and encouragement because those who have been so near and dear had shut me out. But just like that (insert snap here) I revisited my purpose in life.

And with that being said, I plan on continuing my story of healing in order to help others do the same.

I don't know, maybe people are embarrassed about my transparency and some believe somethings shouldn't be shared. I'm the opposite in my thinking. I believe so many people hurt and have no avenue toward healing because everyone wants to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

You know when people say, "I love hard?" Well, I'm one of those people. And that is extended to family and friends alike. That being said, when anyone brings their heartache and pain to me to discuss, or I, along with the world know that a situation they are in is not conducive to happy living...that's right, I voice my opinion in a way that hopefully motivates them to go a different route. 

I'm vocal and that's nothing new, I've always been that way. I've never been one to sit back and just accept what is thrown my way without questioning why. And THAT is why I believe my phone rings or text messages show up on my android asking my opinion. I'm going to tell the truth and that's simply because we all deserve better than what we are accepting.

What is the purpose of being a true friend if I only care about your Michael Kors pumps and matching bag and not your heart, mind and soul?

So am I'm reaching or stepping on toes. Yes, I am reaching, to possibly help save lives; lives of young women who are mistaking physical abuse for love.

I'm reaching for parents to be parents until breath leaves their bodies; for families to break the curse, neglect and addiction. And stepping on toes? I can only do that when you can't own up to what is still broken in your life.

So, girlfriend, no I won't sit back and let you make stupid relationship decisions. I won't just pretend your black-eye blend in with your eyeshadow. I won't agree that it's okay to stay in relationships that don't serve you purpose but diminish you, or that putting mommy duties off on others is okay. Not when I know my purpose in life is to encourage you through it all.

By now, everyone knows I held on to hurt from my childhood because I didn't have an outlet. Or  that I dealt with relationships that served no purpose because that was all I saw. Or even that my being a single parent came after dating someone on and off for over ten years and yet him still dropping the ball on the both of us. Talk about some pain? Even with all of that I'm a conqueror, a survivor and still standing, which is what I want for every young woman I come in contact with.

Someone helped me. Listened to me and steered me in the right direction.

So girlfriend, know that my telling my story is for you and every woman who loves just like you do. It's for those who have hurt, cried and even died. It's about serving a purpose bigger than even my own hurt and pain.

Girlfriend, It's all love.

Join our new Facebook group:
SISTERHOOD of LADIES OVERCOMING WOUNDS; Digging Out of WeakNests 
(S.L.O.W Down)




~Keshia Dawn






Tuesday, October 28, 2014

What Makes The World Go 'Round?

Relationships make the world go 'round and that's what I write about. Whether it's boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships, parental, best friends, career or even the relationship we have with ourselves...it all works together.

My characters go through life's circumstances, searching, crying and pleading for answers. They fight, scream and sometimes give up. They marry, they give birth and live happily ever after. To break it down even further, they cheat, they lie, they steal; they get the degree, the promotion and even the house of their dreams. Or sometimes they don't.

It's fiction imitating life.

But even in fiction there is inspiration. Yes it's entertainment and can sometimes be just the getaway you need. My goal is to entertain, encourage and to inspire, even in fiction. If I can do that, then I've served my purpose.

...because someone helped me find me!

In my non-fiction writing, I've learned when a teacher teaches it doesn't mean they have all of the answers, it shows they know that the answer does exists. By me building relationships with my readers (you)  is based on my own triumphs through my own heartache and pain; showing that even when life challenges you, you can still be the victor!

My credentials? I am a woman. 

Thank you all for taking this continuous journey with me as I grow in my fiction writing and I spread my wings into my non-fiction calling!

It's an exciting, transparent journey in which I hope to help young women find their true selves!

Stay tuned!

While I'm yet working on book 2 in The Chase series, be on the lookout for the re-release of S.L.O.W. Down with volume 2 in the works!

Until then smooches,


~Keshia Dawn

Thursday, October 23, 2014

What Are You NOT Willing To Do?

What are you not willing to do... that she did?

Looking out into the dating world sometimes leaves me with a gasp. Heck, I even look back on the things I've done and turn my head.  Tsk, tsk. But we live and we learn.

Now before I start I will say, I'm all for equality, BUT don't believe the hype, chivalry is only dead if you bury it yourself. With that being said...

I see young women, heck even older women who are fighting for their "loyalty" to be noticed by the men they have eyed and set out to conquer. From asking men out, picking up the tab...everytime, even first dates and let's not forget being at their beck in call for any and everything. Oh and did I mention this was all before the whole, will you be my girlfriend question.

One of my characters in my latest fiction novel, Cut to the Chase, goes above and beyond to show her devotion which in turn leaves the man with little to do.

 Does going this route make one a better candidate or does it put the woman in the, this chic will do anything for a man, category?

 Do men really test this way? Are women doing too much to become a girlfriend?

I'm no man so I would dare answer this but it seems as if the going thing is to spread yourself thin while he chooses who is down for him the most?

What say you? Men... care to chime in?


Keshia Dawn

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Giving Chances


 
 
In all of the dating world, we pretty much go after what we like. Right? But what would happen if we turned things around and gave chances to someone or something out of our norm?
 
When you’ve been labeled as someone who continuously picks from the same cactus patch instead of the bed of roses, what happens when you  turn it all around? You know, ditch the Timberlands or bust attitude, read all of the handbooks you possibly can, and go to the altar seeking prayer from your wayward dating-wrong-can’t-get-it-right self? Or something like that.
 
Let’s see, how can I say this? Hmmm, give in. Give in to someone who you know or think you know will not be your cup of tea and settle for what society says will be the ideal catch. I guess I should ask, what happens when you give chances? I’ll tell you.
 
It enlightens you, brings hope back into your dead-dating world and refreshes your ideas of this grandiose love affair you’ve designed in your colorful brain; it hands you anticipation for love once again.  It shows how you may have been a little na├»ve to what is right for you, your wants and your needs.
 
To add, you gain the best dating experience ever. Because you aren’t expecting anything from “your type” but rather enjoy the freshness and the realness of what you really long for instead of what you think you want, a true dating capability is finally allowed a chance.
 
It opens a door for loving possibilities….BUT
 
There is the elephant in the room. I know it will be questioned, soooo.  Even with all of the niceness, proper dating and the availability for love, what do you do when your belly doesn’t jump? There is no rumble in your tummy, butterflies in your gut and the connection you want there to be…doesn’t exists? It’s just something that won’t allow you to mesh. Or so you think.
 
With each relationship, I’ve grown in the department in knowing that everything on my checklist isn’t guaranteed. The height, the look, the singling capabilities (ha! Joking). But seriously, you grow from the superficial reflection of your yesteryear and evolve into an adult who realizes there is more to life than matching shirts on fair day. 
 
Chemistry, to some extent, is what you make it. The connection grows in the way you tend, nurture and give it room to cultivate.  What helps with this? Realizing you  just may not be someone’s first draft pick yourself. Ah ha! See, it’s a possibility you’ve been given a chance.
 
The way we date, with eyes wide open, minds shut off just may be the cause of our drought in the dating/relationship department. Maybe giving chances to someone who may just be giving us a chance is the way to go?
 
You think?
 

~Keshia Dawn

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I'm Back!


It feels like a lifetime but I'm back! Today I release my sixth book and I'm so excited about it.!

CUT TO THE CHASE is a novel I feel will show my readers even more of who I am through my writing.  Full of laughter, strong women and real life issues... I can't wait to hear your feedback!

There is so much ahead and I'm happy I have an avenue to share.  With  CUT TO THE CHASE being the first book in THE CHASE series,  I'm currently working hard on book two and plan to release it in January. The title and book cover coming soon!

For those of you who took the S.L.O.W. Down movement with me,  you'll be delighted to see the highlights in my novel! That's right,  I brought S.L.O.W. Down to life! I truly felt there could not be one without the other and hopefully you feel the same as my characters journey through.

I'm adamant about women's issues and will continue to intertwine my support in both fiction and non-fiction. I feel it is an important duty of mine, just as someone passed on to me,  to help by any means necessary,   women maneuver from a possible stale place in life,  to mental freedom, heart full of gladness and peace and joy!


Please stay tuned as S.L.O.W. Down is re birthed, Book Two releases and so much more to come.   I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Until then,  happy reading and passing on the word!!


Keshia Dawn

Monday, September 22, 2014

Is Dating a Sport?

Since my last entry, my upcoming release, Cut to the Chase has found its home on Amazon's pre-order page! Can I get a whoop, whoop! Thanks.

 So of course I'm in full-throttle mode, writing book two in The Chase series and writing snippets down for the third installation (yep, there will be a third). Dealing with Christina, Nedra, Randi and Millie with their dating DOs and DON'Ts has sparked a flare in my thinking cap. And out of the blue a question pops into my ever racing mind.

Is dating a sport?

I know, I know. How can you compare the two? But think about it, how can you not?

In most instances, it's no longer, boy meets girl, dates girl and marries girl. It lingers a bit longer. More like boy meets girls, dates girls, dates girls, dates girls and oh yeah, dates girls.  Or of course vice versa.

Now this is all fine and dandy if no one is seeking more than a mere date here and there. But what if more is wanted? What if marriage is the ultimate goal?

Well just like different sports activities can be exciting and rewarding, the game ends and only one team wins. As well with dating, is it a game?

When you realize you are in the game, the sweating begins. The nervousness of doing, saying, and being what you think the other person wants plays a part. Do you tweak who you are, what you do and what you really want? Do you settle for what is offered knowing the package is only a third of what you know you need?

The chasing. Do you show your aggression by running toward someone who may be running from you?

Then there are the muscles. You guessed it. The heart muscles are stretched, pinched and pulled in every which away. And just like a torn ligament, it takes time and relaxation from the activity which the heart so dearly yearns.

Dating may have you sitting on the sideline at times but just like any trained sport, every act starts in the mind so never forget to plan your plays.

So I question. Do you think dating is used in a sport like manner? Who can get the trophy? Who gets the win?

Just a thought

~Keshia Dawn

Monday, September 1, 2014

Cut to the Chase

Are you at the age when you feel there definitely should to be a ring on your finger? Yes, that finger (Who came up with that rule anyway, right?) 


Ever think, "There has got to be a better way. What if I..." And you fill in the blank with the most hideous idea! Right, me either. 
For those who really are tired of the singleness or for those who are in stale relationships, just how far would you go to become a Mrs. to a Mr.? Online dating, impromptu hookups from your friends, singles events...jocking-your-friend's-dad? Oooooooooo or gross; you choose.
Just what is considered taboo, as far as women getting to the altar by any means necessary? Would you be willing to pay for all of the lunch dates, movie dates and let's not forget about putt-putt golf. 

What about buying airfare for the weekend get-a-way? Or hooking him up with a nice wardrobe when he turns you down for the black tie affair because he doesn't own a tux? Are you willing to slide your credit card once or twice?

Then there are the guys who keep you in limbo. You know, the ones who go by the rules, what she don't know won't hurt her and then fifty years later you find out he's an ax murderer. No really, it happens.

It's questionable how far us ladies should allow ourselves to be strung along hoping the right question will soon be asked. The one that leads with, "Will you be my..."

Should we help the naive, never gonna get it guys out or allow them to go at their own pace? Should we backdate our questions to find out what they really have going on or sit mum and look pretty. Don't forget to bat your eyelashes.

Whatever you choose, choose wisely. Cut to the chase and you may just cut off the path to what is really meant to be.

~ Keshia Dawn


CUT TO THE CHASE - Available October 7, 2014



With the support of one another, four friends battle the unwanted singleness that has engulfed them far too long. Seeking a resolution to walk down the aisle sooner than later, each come up with their own plan hoping it will lead them to become a Mrs. to the right Mr., even if it means cutting to the chase in order to do so.



 
Christina is a single mother and figures it’s time to allow someone into the world she has built for herself and her son Niko. When an old love reappears, she enlists the help of funny and witty Dr. Vile to help with her dating  dilemmas. Especially when Niko's principal adds to her confusion by letting her know he has more than pencils and paper on his mind.

Nedra is the mother-hen of the group. With her world revolved around being the church's secretary, taking notes for her dad who is also the pastor, Nedra is engulfed in a world she once ran from. Still holding herself hostage from mistakes from years ago, Nedra figures eating Twizzlers and online dating is all she deserves.

Unlike the other women, Randi has the greatest boyfriend in the world. Except he won't propose. At the age of thirty-one Randi figured Phillip would have asked for her hand in marriage by now. Not willing to wait another day, Randi has made a decision she believes Phillip will have no choice but to accept.

Millie, the youngest of the group is feisty and she knows it. In love with Mr. Wrong, her colorful vocabulary allows her to proclaim to be the long lost daughter of Blues singer Millie Jackson. Figuring a piece of a man is better than no man at all, Millie hangs on as Taser takes her through love's highs and lows.

Cut to the Chase takes readers through the woes of being single while fighting for hope through relationship possibilities. 



Monday, August 11, 2014

Recognize


Youth has a lot to do with the continuous eagerness in seeking and finding a relationship. With not so many heartaches and bad experiences in that department,  it's easy to jump back into the dating game after a young love has dwindled.  Add some decades to the same old rigamarole and Dallas, we have a problem.

I'm all for the books, the guides that hype us and teach us how to talk to men,  find men,  text men, date men and hopefully marry a man.  But I honestly and truly believe before any of those things need to be considered, all things pertaining to a man need to be put on hold. That is until we first deal with self.

Like Honey BooBoo said on her show, I too believe we first need to red-neck-a-nize, i.e. recognize what our hang-ups are, what hinders us from getting it right the first, second and sometimes the third time. 

In my latest release S.L.O.W. Down, I share how growing up viewing what love isn't, played a big part in my relationships. Early in my dating world, my heart  pulled me into unions that resembled that same heartache and pain. There were tears, break ups and make ups which should have just remained broken. There were arguments, non-stop disagreements and a merry-go-round of confusion of what love was. So with that, I ran from love at top speed.

Then one day it happened. It all clicked. 

I looked around at those relationships which left others defeated, unhappy and full of disappointment. Although I definitely didn't want to take part, I finally recognized my fear of becoming consumed in the same had turned me so far away that I also turned from the great possibilities that were awaiting me.

So I now recognize  all relationships aren't the same. I also know that no one has to remain in those situations. But most of all I now know taking a chance on healthy love begins when all minds are clear, when the past is not compared to the future and life takes it's natural course.

The key to being free from your past is to first recognize how the past can hinder your future. 

Coming to terms with what has left an invisible scar, being honest with self and willing to move forward will start the process of healing the misconstrued view of love.


~KeshiaDawn

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Guard Your Heart;Choose You



It's no secret. I've shared my dating fears and how my actions  hindered me from promising relationships. My skepticism of what may happen was the brick wall built around my heart and an end to my beginnings. Though it's a hard pill to swallow, I take full responsibility knowing I single-handedly sabotaged a promising future with a few good men. It happens. I've learned.

In the midst of beating myself over the head about being the possible run-away girlfriend, I had to stop and think; things could be worse. Keeping your guard up just tad, just may save lives.

In the news, it's  hard to see young women continuously dying from the hands of a person who supposedly love them. In between the movies, dining and holidays together, there are dark moments others don't see until a young women is being carried away in a bodybag.

You see it on YouTube, Facebook, the vicious beating of a young lady by her husband or boyfriend. You hear of the latest tragic death of a beautiful woman due to domestic violence and you think, would she have still been here if she would have second guessed her choosing?

By second guessing of her choosing, I specifically mean for us as women to choose ourselves. When unhealthy relationships are on a merry-go-round rotation, no time given for self growth and staying because you're hopeful of a great turn-around, the past is bound to repeat itself. One slap now becomes two and two multiplies to four...and so on.

I wonder, almost worry about those who have the opposite experience as I had; having no fear in the dating department, but rather the fear of leaving.Staying with someone who abuses you because of the convenience and the possibility of things getting better can be detrimental to your future, if not your life.

I totally agree that the silent killer, heart disease is running rampant in our communities,but at least we are talking about it.We are exercising our way to fitness so our lives will be prolonged and our health remain intact. Silence needs to be broken for the abuse that is cutting off lives and leaving children without mothers.

In my latest release, S.L.O.W. Down, I talk indepth about walking away from situations which only bring you down, keep you down and beat you down. But the walking away part only begins with you.

It's time to get wise in our choosing, guarding our hearts against poisoned love. And though we can't dictate what others do and say, we are very capable of loving ourselves away from circumstances not befitting for us.

Choosing you just may save your life.

~Keshia Dawn


Sunday, July 6, 2014

Alone Time


After getting over whatever hindrances you had in your past dating/relationships, the first step is of course to slow down; so much that the only person you are dating is yourself. 

It may be easier said than done, some may say, but giving yourself time to breathe after one relationship has ended and another begins will only benefit your mind and body.

Personally I've never had a issue going out and doing things alone. Even as far back as high school during my senior year when I had half days, I recall going to the movies to see Friday when it was first released. Alone. I didn't think about it, fear about it or wait around for someone else to make the decision for me. I just went and I conquered. 

Though I'm hardly alone in this regularity, I've heard so many others say the total opposite.  I've been questioned how can I even muster being seen alone in public eating, shopping or just by myself doing whatever. I believe the answer is because, um, I like myself. 

In this dating world, it's really not that much different. Being alone, i.e., not dating anyone at the moment, doesn't mean you are lonely. It is a time to gather from your past mistakes, set goals and work hard, preparing for your future. When this space is not tended to, history is almost certain to repeat itself.

We all know those who just have to be in a relationship... just to be in a relationship. Even if the relationship is raggedy or they are having to share the love of their life with another, it doesn't matter to them because the instant gratification soothes them just fine. Whether it is realized or not this decision  is not healthy. Being a serial relationship hopper and finding yourself  changing your Facebook status more than twice a year can be detrimental to your whole world. Especially if you have yet to deal with yourself first.

Is it that the continuous merry-go-round of finding yourself in a meaningless, unfulfilled pseudo relationship takes your mind off of you and what may be the cause of your issues? Could it be your time alone allows you to think of everything you should be working on and that scares you? Face it. 

So I question, what's the big problem with slowing it down between breakups and figuring out the facts of your life before the next relationship?

Are you dating and settling for the same type of person over and again? Are you even in connection with yourself  to figure out just who you are, your desires and what you yourself can offer? Or is just having someone to have a date to the next summer block buster enough?


Taking time out to do some soul searching and figuring out your next move, is your best move.  


First,  recognize your pattern of wanting to have just anybody, somebody in your space to make you feel complete.  Know that mentally and emotionally you have to spend time alone to cleanse yourself of all the negative that had lingered a little too long.  Readjust your thinking.  You must think about what you are doing.  Jumping from one Joe Blow to the next in order to make yourself feel fulfilled instead of counseling, going back to school or turning your hobby into your career is just buying time until the next meltdown. Lastly, reversing  everything you have done or allowed to put you in the never ending cycle has got to be cut loose.


 So taking time out for yourself in your alone time only ends the cyclic disarray of self torture.  If it's broke  and we all know when it's broke...take the time out and date yourself in order to fix it. 




Get your copy now on Amazon.com!!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Wed or Walk Away

It's not rocket science...it's love. Or it's not.

From my understanding, making a decision to be in a relationship means you are ready and willing to go to the next level with the one you are connected to. It means you trust their  friendship  and believe they have your best interest at hand.

It means peace resides between what the two of you have built and things can only grow from there. There is no tooth pulling when the question come as to what you are doing and which direction you are headed.

The ease of the phrase,  I love you oozes in the midst of conversation at any particular moment. The delicate display of just how much love resides is shown with each hug, kiss or simple touch.

To know when to wed (marry) can be just that simple; it's a healthy, happy and thriving relationship. Got it?  Got it.

So just the opposite. Wait. The total opposite. So far removed from love that it resembles hate. Yep. Time to walk away...sometimes, run away.

No one really has to explain to you what love isn't. You know first hand. Maybe because of the disconnect of the relationship or the added reminder with verbal or physical abuse. Walk away.
Got it? No...read my excerpt below:

"It seems to be easier said than done to be able to walk away from relationship you are tied to in some form. Maybe you wonder just how to leave the only man you’ve ever loved, even if he had three kids ...while you were together. How do you escape the man that pays the bills but beat you every Friday?  How do you walk away from the man who tells you what you want to hear but does the total opposite?

Well the first step, of course is to not get in it in the first place. I know, I know, but just let me say this. Just because someone chooses you doesn’t mean you have to choose them back. Being flattered by someone liking you and wanting to get to know you better has bamboozled so many people into relationships that really aren’t fit for them. You have to know the difference between getting caught up in the moment and letting true love find you. Stop settling just because you don’t know how your ending looks and you reason that something is better than nothing. Just walk away."


S.L.OW. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating




Monday, June 23, 2014

O - Observe

Excerpt from, S.L.O.W. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and the Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating


"I’ll say the first three months of meeting someone are all about the representative; the person they want you to fall for. Of course he will put on his best apparel, use Colgate whitening and workout two times a day. Within six months things can change. His fabulous tux could be rented, mouth full of veneers and the workout regimen was only for the healthcare discount at his place of employment.  Yep, within six months the real man stands up and you get to know if you’ve seen enough or if you’re ready to see more.

There are numerous questions and scenarios that warrant the observation stage and give you the answers you need. Especially if his given answers are elusive with every question asked.

Questions like, are you sure you’re not married? Even though there is a tan line on his wedding ring finger. How about he says he isn’t in a relationship, but he never answers the phone when a certain number pops up. Wait, do you ever hear the phone ring or is it always on silent? Observe.

Is his place still being remodeled, the reason you haven’t been invited over? What about talking to him on the way home from work but he gets off the phone right before he get out the car? Observe.

Have you been dating and talking on the relationship level and have yet to meet any of his friends? The holidays are coming up and he goes to his family’s place out of town, but you don’t hear from him the whole trip. He loves to be around you and your kid but he has yet to set up a play date for you and his. Observe."




Tuesday, June 17, 2014

L-Listen


Excerpt from, S.L.O.W.Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming The Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating


"Listening is the type of mechanism, if used appropriately can counteract so many lessons we otherwise wouldn’t have to learn. There is an internal ear, if you will, attached to the soul of a woman which answers so many questions; questions we have yet to even know to ask. Yes, it’s that good.

A woman’s intuition, your gut, God speaking to you; the “umm hmm,” thingy, whatever you call it, is the ear of your soul which gives you the answer you just shouldn’t live without. Though it is forever present, it seems during dating season and relationships it is amplified to the max. It’s a precious jewel that seems to have been especially placed in women. Now, only if we would listen."

Get your copy today on Amazon!!

Monday, June 16, 2014

S.L.O.W. Down...now available

NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE FOR $0.99 

S.L.O.W Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating 

Sunday, June 15, 2014

S - SPEAK



In the dating realm it's imperative to communicate who you are and what you have to offer. Even the more, it's imperative to communicate what you will and will not accept. Without verbalizing your truths you are setting the path for the other party to dictate the direction you should go; you're simply going along to get along.  Maybe you do as others do, smile and nod just to have someone to call "mine."

Ever hear the phrase, "conversation rules the nation?" Then why are you not speaking up for what you want and need? Here's why.

It's  the fear of not knowing if you will be turned away because of your wants. Maybe it's knowing the person can't fulfill your needs, but you'd rather have them in your space instead of going at it solo, so mums the word.

Keeping yourself silent is not healthy. It's not putting you first. And if you are not putting your needs first, why would anyone else?

Speak up or forever hold your peace!

~Keshia Dawn

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

S.L.O.W. Down

COMING SOON


Are you evasive with those you date? Are you the one your girlfriends label way too hard on men? Is it too easy for you to walk away from relationship after relationship? Then this books is for you! 

When you find yourself ready for a relationship but  unable to release your inhibitions there may be more than meets the eye. If fear of being vulnerable has trapped you into a vicious cycle of non productive dating, it's time to turn things around. Finding the real reason why you say no to dating and heck no to relationships is imperative and only the beginning to freeing yourself.

S.L.O.W. Down maneuvers through the fear of vulnerability and guides you back into the world of dating smarter than before.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Dating Me

Written By: Brian Johns
The Temporary Fix: Dating oneself.

One of the hardest things to do is love someone who judges the worst in you, or be there for someone who consistently makes empty promises. It isn’t  easy being with a person who is heartbroken and scornedlives in perpetual denialor is controlled by his or her every emotion. So why is it when love throws us a curve ball, one of the first suggestions we hear is:  date ourselves?

More often than not we possess the vices aforementioned, especially after a splitThink about it, would you actually consider a relationship with yourself after a breakupMany of you would probably say yes, but I wouldn’t. 

After letting go of a love or being dumped, my baggage, insecurities, and complaints are not very attractive so I wouldn’t want to encumber anybody with my issues—let alone myself. After a messy separation it’s my responsibility to be strong enough to carry the bags of regretpride,anger and low self-esteem that I fought so hard to suppress. I am faced with the pressure of retaining my self-respect and Christian sentiment (which is not the easiest thing to do) and as I try not to fall, I have to “date myself” and come to terms with the fact that (once again) I put my complete and total energy into a person who was NOT…the right…one. Frankly that’s a lot to ask of one hurting individual.

Honestly, I believe it’s futile to date myself than jump into another relationship. Imy own company could satiate my every need there’d be no need for any interpersonal relationship. Instead, I believe companionship is vital to the human experience and existence—a man needs a woman and vise versa. If it weren’t so, God would have been enough for Adam.With that being said, I’ve adopted a new solution for overcoming heartbreak and enjoying solitude and it’s called: Healing.  

In many instances the body will heal itself with little to no effort on our part, the only catch is, it takes time. For healing to effectively take place there can be no tearing of the wound, and it must be covered and protected so that it’s kept away from all bacteria. I’ve found that once we metaphorically apply those same principles to a broken heart the mending process won’t be as arbitrary—It’ll have some direction.Regardless of how uncomfortable the process may be, once we acknowledge the fact that we’ve been injured and take care of ourselves the restoration will begin. I hear you all asking:  well, isn’t dating myself,taking care of myself? The answer is yes and no.

Although dating oneself conveys a sense of self-empowerment I’ve learned that it’s often a vain attempt to remain in a state of well-being; it’s only a temporary fix. Dating is not a viable method of enduring or overcoming a lovelorn hardship; it’s often a distraction. Allowing your heart to feel what it feels in any given moment and time, acknowledges the healing process. To Rise and Commit to making the next indicated step (whether it’s getting out of bed, eating, or drying your eyes) instigates the healing process. Healing can include going out with your friends or by yourself; learning to enjoy your own company or starting a passion that you may have disregarded. Healing can also involve crying at night or fighting the urge to call the one who hurt you. Just remember to keep the bandage on, which in my case is the word of God and apply ointment daily, which is prayer, laughter, and love.

So, instead of reciting the phrase “I’m dating myself” I lead with “I am healing” because it honors where I am and reminds me of where I am going.Once I focus on that, the pain makes more sense because I know that it’s only for season and its ultimately part of the process.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

S.L.O.W. Down

I had the pleasure of attending a wedding this weekend and love was in the air. The festivities had a way of putting an extra curve to my smile and dreaminess to my thoughts. But I slowed it down real quick, don't worry.

You see it hasn't been that long ago since I've come off of my fear factor high of running from vulnerability. Although I'm trekking along nicely, I still have a ways to go. And that's a good thing.

Think about it single people! After you've gone through so many battles in you're singleness, and in your destroyed before it's even started relationships, you have to slow the buggy down in order to get back on the straight and narrow. Date yourself for a moment, gather the knowledge you need from past mistakes or lessons learned before hopping back on the saddle.

So many bypass the moment of self awareness and jump right to the next big love affair when in actuality they are missing out on loving the one who will be there for years to come; self. Without taking a break between dating and relationships, growth can be stalled, thinking become hazed, making a concoction for mind, body and soul deterioration.So what do you do? You just simply, S.L.O.W. Down. 


Speak, Listen, ObserveWed or have the courage to Walk away. That's right. There really is a method to my madness and I'm ready to share it with you. Please be on the look out for my summer release:


S.L.O.W. Down: A Single Woman's Guide to Overcoming The Fear of Vulnerability and The Necessary Steps to Take Before Dating

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Change

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." ~MayaAngelou

Thursday, May 22, 2014

All About the V

Vulnerability.

That's the culprit. Or so one thinks. Well, if that one allows it to be the case that is. Okay, okay, I'm that one. I'm the very one who feared vulnerability to be the enemy.

Webster's  dictionary defines being vulnerable, in adjective form, as being capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt. Used as a noun it means to be exposed.

That, my dear, has been my fear.

This is what it all boils down to. Me having to expose my feelings and willing myself to become hurt all for the process of love.  Confusing to say the least, but I figure it makes sense. The love we all desire in one form or another comes with the price tag stating we are volunteering our hearts to become  bruised. Right? That's the road to love. Am I right??

And there is no way around it.

Pain is inevitable in this lifetime and in this world we live in today. What behooved me for years was not having the understanding as to why love had to take part in such pain. Why did the very thing that could bring us complete joy be the very thing that sent us into a tailspin of emotional turmoil?

So I ran.

I didn't see the need to subject myself to this self-inflicted deceit when others were doing so all around me. Why give more tears than are needed? Why take up space where so many others wanted to be? Besides I had been there and the scar tissue was an overwhelming reminder of how I had trusted the process once before.

Being vulnerable meant I would be  placing my mind, body and soul into the hands of the unknown. It meant trusting another with a blindfold and hoping they hit the apple with the bow and arrow instead of my heart. An iffy situation if you ask me.

But everyone wants love. And if not, we definitely need it. I need it.

So I had to pick my battle.

Do I stay in my cocoon of safety, or do I embark on what I know will bring me uneasiness? Do I give up after never really giving it a try? Do I allow my fear of a maybe hurt, run away the possibility of a maybe happily ever after.

I fought vulnerability.

I won.



From Keshia...with love.












Thursday, May 15, 2014

How I feel Today

I'm so excited about my new blog and the avenue it's presenting not only for me but some of my closest friends. Please enjoy the entry below.

I know nothing about blogging & I'm not a writer but this is how I feel today...

Have you ever sat and thought about your life and immediately said "I need a do over." You think about all of the hell you've gone through or currently going through and just wish you could go back and do things over to erase the past. That's where I am now! Absolutely nothing can erase the hurt and pain I've gone through but if I got a "do over" I would certainly make some different choices.  People I've allowed in my life would no longer be there, I would avoid situations I never should have been in and I would make wiser decisions.


The reality is that I can't turn back the hands of time and do things over again. All I can do is figure out how to deal with the hand I've been dealt. Sounds pretty easy but it's not, especially when what I'm dealing is through no fault of my own. It's also a reality that no matter how hard I try to live a model life (although I slip up from time to time) bad things still happen. Then I start to think "what's the point in trying to live right and still go through hell." Can I just get a "do over" and erase this crap from my life because right now life sucks? Nope!!


So what am I supposed to do to move forward when the past continues to meet the present? I know I need to focus on the cliche that what's to come is so much better than what's been. Ummm, when the past keeps slapping me in the face all I can say is "this sure as hell doesn't look like greater!!"Now since I can't get a "do over" what am I supposed to do?


 You tell me....

Monday, May 12, 2014

Rose-Coloured Glasses


There was a time when I would gloat on what I thought was perfection in other relationships outside of my own. And I'm talking about relationships on every level; parents, siblings, friends, boyfriend, etc... Definitely a case of  being on the outside looking in.

Whenever there was a disagreement of some sort and arguments would surface, it would leave me feeling like a failure,  as if somehow along the way we missed the love mark. I just knew we could learn a thing or two from  other people and how to handle one another with care. But what I didn't realize until years later, seeking perfection in any one person or relationship can leave you unnecessarily ravaged. 

No one should live this life expecting perfection in any one human being. Respect, yes. Perfection? No way. It doesn't exist.

Not one relationship; not a set of siblings, parent/child relationship, boss/employee, no not one is immune from life's circumstances.

The level of perfection we put on ourselves and others can wear us down. I know it did for me. I just knew that anything outside of smiles and laughter was irregular, but I kept living and found out it couldn't be further from the truth. If you love, you love through good and bad. Even with tears at time. 

Running away from normal obstacles in my relationships tired me out, hindered my vulnerability and ultimately injured my trust abilities. Knowing is half the battle.  We are human and no one is perfect.

Ever seek perfection in an imperfect world?

Friday, May 9, 2014

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Fearful of What?

Lions,  tigers and bears, oh my! And yes! 

Definitely understandable to be fearful of big bad animals with sharp teeth and claws. Right?  But love. Why so fearful about love?  

For me, in my dating, relationship, make-up to break-up world, it wasn't the male species I was particularly fearful of.  No, not at all. Rather it was the in between I didn't know about. Yep, I was one of those; confused about the unknown.Why? Besides being cookoo for Coacoa Puffs, doing so would consist of total trust.

Total trust meant I would believe there would never be lies, cheating,  abandonment or  any level of abuse. It would mean I had an honest friend, a best friend at that. It would mean I could count on my right hand man for, if not all, most of my needs. 

It would mean I'm labeling myself to be that same person to him as he was to me. The same person?  Being his best friend, having his back and no lying and cheating. So maybe the fear after all wasn't in him and what he would and wouldn't do, but rather what I could or couldn't.

Trust is very important in relationships and without it there can be no growth. Trust first begins within. You have to trust yourself, your prayers and the answer you receive, enough to know the value you have to give and the love you deserve to receive.

Trust much?

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Big Did It

Sex In The City, a movie that will go down in history for most women!

It was something about that television series that liberated us. It showed us how we can be young, gifted, gorgeous and free. Time with our girls, working hard for our future and of course teaching us a thing or two about love and dating.

The show captured so many questions women around the globe want to know. Am I his type? Will he ask me out? Are we a couple? And of course, will he ask me to marry him? It was a lifeline to discussions we were already having and gave plenty of answers to questions we were too afraid to ask.

But there was one guy that made a difference in it all...yes, definitely Blair in his short stay, but for the long haul, Big made his mark in all of our lives. He was everyone's boyfriend. And you know what that means?

He broke all of our hearts! Yes, time and time again. Carrie's clones cried with her and for her with every hug and kiss Big pounded on her being. And just like that, every time he disappeared, walked away, our tears fell again.

So yes, Big did it. He helped sketch the possibility that love isn't long lasting, could be long lasting, but is not long lasting, but is; but it isn't, long lasting. Ugh. Big did it. He helped set the fear in love.

What was your fear factor in love?






Monday, April 28, 2014

What is your deepest fear?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."~Marianne Williamson "


Sunday, April 27, 2014

Fear...where did this come from


Who am I and where did this come from?
I thank God for birthdays! Birthday after birthday, I’ve grown as an individual and have conquered one more item in my world I never thought I would. It seems the older you get, what people say and think about anything you do, just doesn’t matter anymore. So here I am.
I’m just a regular girl (woman) in an irregular world…and I’m single. Although I have enjoyed my single life to the fullest, having had relationships here and there, for the most part, I have truly enjoyed being Keshia, the serial dater. That is…
Until something on the inside of me switched without warning. It started with me having the overwhelming feeling of really, really wanting to try out a relationship after years of only tampering and thinking about them, here and there. That wasn’t so much the problem but it progressed with me not knowing where to begin, and even with the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship, not having the guts to admit it…That’s when I knew I had issues. That’s when I knew I had to dig deeper. Yep, I said it.
What was going on with me, is what I questioned myself…then the soul searching came, well only after I questioned a few close friend girls, that is. After just about all of them let me know it was time to at least TRY and settle down, I knew the time had come for me to slow down and reevaluate who I was and what I really wanted. THAT is not a pretty sight when you’ve walked to the beat of your own made up drum for so long… But I started.
The journey which I started and I am still on began with me slowing down and realizing my biggest problem: Fear.
Fear is a hindrance. It grabs hold of ones desires and dreams and leave you in a rotation of shoulda, could, woulda’s. Ever been there? The fear of the unknown?

Let's talk about it.

Are You Married Yet?


Being a fiction writer, I’m often asked many questions having to do with my writing and my novels. “When is the next book coming out?” “How many books have you written?” And last but certainly not least, “Is that story about you?” Which the answer is, no. But that is about to change.
With my love for writing, I have been able to share my fiction stories with the world. I have readers who are dedicated to my craft and my characters and they always anticipate my next big release. For that I’ll forever be grateful.
As a writer, the world of readers are hardly ever interested in the author. As long as the characters are up to par and deliver, the author can be a ghostwriter and still get recognition. But for me personally, those around me and those who knew or know me will beg to differ. The reason why…it obviously has to do with my dating life.
With the attention and the “Are you …” questions surrounding my singledom increasing, it made me wonder, “Is this normal or am I the only single woman who feels as though scribbled writing on my forehead read, “Go ahead, ask me?” And then I guess when people get the imaginary go ahead, the question that follows is, “Are you married yet?”
It doesn’t matter where the questions are asked; church, work, grocery stores, even at funerals. My statistical world of embarrassing questions suggest, when the question is burning on the inside, it’s a done deal, they’re going to ask you. And of course women you know the rest. After I answer the magical, “nope,” the conversation then become, “Why not?” Geez.
It’s very often that I’m questioned by friends from years ago, ex-boyfriends, coworkers and even family members on my relational status. I don’t hold it against anyone at all . It’s a common topic and plus I’m the same nosey person who tend to ask the same question of others…go figure.
The time has come to share why I’m single and what was  holding me back. Yes, I'll tell it all in my upcoming non-fiction summer release. But until then....

 What do you answer when asked the,  "Why are you not married, " questions.