Written By: Brian Johns
The Temporary Fix: Dating oneself.
One of the hardest things to do is love someone who judges the worst in you, or be there for someone who consistently makes empty promises. It isn’t easy being with a person who is heartbroken and scorned, lives in perpetual denial, or is controlled by his or her every emotion. So why is it when love throws us a curve ball, one of the first suggestions we hear is: date ourselves?
More often than not we possess the vices aforementioned, especially after a split. Think about it, would you actually consider a relationship with yourself after a breakup? Many of you would probably say yes, but I wouldn’t.
After letting go of a love or being dumped, my baggage, insecurities, and complaints are not very attractive so I wouldn’t want to encumber anybody with my issues—let alone myself. After a messy separation it’s my responsibility to be strong enough to carry the bags of regret, pride,anger and low self-esteem that I fought so hard to suppress. I am faced with the pressure of retaining my self-respect and Christian sentiment (which is not the easiest thing to do) and as I try not to fall, I have to “date myself” and come to terms with the fact that (once again) I put my complete and total energy into a person who was NOT…the right…one. Frankly that’s a lot to ask of one hurting individual.
More often than not we possess the vices aforementioned, especially after a split. Think about it, would you actually consider a relationship with yourself after a breakup? Many of you would probably say yes, but I wouldn’t.
After letting go of a love or being dumped, my baggage, insecurities, and complaints are not very attractive so I wouldn’t want to encumber anybody with my issues—let alone myself. After a messy separation it’s my responsibility to be strong enough to carry the bags of regret, pride,anger and low self-esteem that I fought so hard to suppress. I am faced with the pressure of retaining my self-respect and Christian sentiment (which is not the easiest thing to do) and as I try not to fall, I have to “date myself” and come to terms with the fact that (once again) I put my complete and total energy into a person who was NOT…the right…one. Frankly that’s a lot to ask of one hurting individual.
Honestly, I believe it’s futile to date myself than jump into another relationship. If my own company could satiate my every need there’d be no need for any interpersonal relationship. Instead, I believe companionship is vital to the human experience and existence—a man needs a woman and vise versa. If it weren’t so, God would have been enough for Adam.With that being said, I’ve adopted a new solution for overcoming heartbreak and enjoying solitude and it’s called: Healing.
In many instances the body will heal itself with little to no effort on our part, the only catch is, it takes time. For healing to effectively take place there can be no tearing of the wound, and it must be covered and protected so that it’s kept away from all bacteria. I’ve found that once we metaphorically apply those same principles to a broken heart the mending process won’t be as arbitrary—It’ll have some direction.Regardless of how uncomfortable the process may be, once we acknowledge the fact that we’ve been injured and take care of ourselves the restoration will begin. I hear you all asking: well, isn’t dating myself,taking care of myself? The answer is yes and no.
Although dating oneself conveys a sense of self-empowerment I’ve learned that it’s often a vain attempt to remain in a state of well-being; it’s only a temporary fix. Dating is not a viable method of enduring or overcoming a lovelorn hardship; it’s often a distraction. Allowing your heart to feel what it feels in any given moment and time, acknowledges the healing process. To Rise and Commit to making the next indicated step (whether it’s getting out of bed, eating, or drying your eyes) instigates the healing process. Healing can include going out with your friends or by yourself; learning to enjoy your own company or starting a passion that you may have disregarded. Healing can also involve crying at night or fighting the urge to call the one who hurt you. Just remember to keep the bandage on, which in my case is the word of God and apply ointment daily, which is prayer, laughter, and love.
So, instead of reciting the phrase “I’m dating myself” I lead with “I am healing” because it honors where I am and reminds me of where I am going.Once I focus on that, the pain makes more sense because I know that it’s only for season and its ultimately part of the process.
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