Sunday, November 30, 2014

What Do The Lonely Do?

It's officially the holiday season!! And so, the million dollar question is... What do the lonely do at Christmas? Wait,  don't answer that. 

By now you should know that I am a single, non-married Black woman in America, to the point where I actually think I'm the poster child for "This Is How To Be a Successful Single, " yada, yada, yada.  

I'm single,  I get it,  but I'm not in the complaining business because I truly believe that in everything,  there is a season. With that being said, I do know there are others who may not be in that accepting space. 

I do understand. 

Jay Moss just released a new cd and my favorite song so far is, "It Is What It Is." If taken for face value,  the song sums up our situation, with its chorus, "Some things aren't for understanding, some things aren't for comprehending,  it is what it is. " 

Ha! That's right. 

What I do know is that you can't do anything to change your situation at this moment unless you are already on the verge of crossing over into a relationship.  And if that is the case,  get it girl! 

If that isn't the case but you definitely have your I's dotted, your T's crossed and you're otherwise confident in the woman you see when you look in the mirror, not forgetting that those who love you confirm all the above, then your being single just is what it is. 

It's your shift. You know,  like the schedule no one wants at work or the kiddie table you can't wait to outgrow at the family gathering. Get it? It will pass over and you will finally get that spot you've longed for. 

Instead of wallowing in the complaining zone this holiday season, or singing Christmas carols that will only leave you adding tears to the egg nog,  accept that you are where you are and things won't always be this way.

So again, what do the happily single,  self-motivated, hard working inspiring, woman do at Christmas? 

We volunteer at homeless venues, give clothing to women's shelters and don't forget the babies needing bears while confined to their hospital beds.

 We attend our place of worship, gain spiritual strength and pray for the right here and now, leaving our future in the hands of our maker. 

We look back over the year and figure out what worked and what didn't; who should stay and who should go.

So when the question is asked of you, pull out your list of things to do,  check it twice and know that being single can be quite nice. 

Oh and you know this applies to New Years' also,  right?

Smooches ladies


Monday, November 24, 2014

Thank You

Wooosahhhh. In the last couple of days, I've been in my feelings, as the young folk say but the moment I ran across John Patrick Adams' blog entry, "You Helped Me" I knew I had to complete what I had started.

He references running into individuals from his past and them almost being in awe that he is okay, looking good and put together. After an exchange of pleasantries from the other party, he thanks them but more for himself because in hindsight, whatever it was they did or didn't do, it ultimately helped him become who he is. 


I too ran into my past and it was quaint and cute for the dinner party we attended via a mutual friend and the conversation that came after...but like some good things, the past brought the messiness it left with; someone who once broke the friendship, girl-code and left with the title acquaintance.  Instead of going into hissy fit mode (I finally crawled out) I had to really calm down and figure out what this moment was teaching me.

These days I'm all about sisterhood, so of course that would be tested, right? My understanding of an individual relationship with self, it being one of the most important relationships that will exist, I know if it's not 100%, misery will hunt for company.

You don't have to have diamonds, money, cars or  be the Who's Who of America for people to dislike you. It can be your ministry, your personality or even your ability to overcome obstacles in life, that make people dislike you. Crazy? Yeah, I know.

But with each person who lend themselves to be your battle, thank them in advance and know they are helping you.

So I salute!

Thank you for helping break up an already broken relationship;  It had ran it's course and I was holding on because it was familiar
Thank you for helping me realize the difference between friend and acquaintance
Thank you for helping me realize my heart is big enough to forgive
Thank you for helping me realize I didn't pray for you after you did what you did but now I am
Thank you for helping me realize how I truly am a great person for being able to laugh, talk, and reminisce on days of old with you, even when you darkened part of that world. I moved on.

You helped me realize that I'm going in the direction God has for me; to help young ladies overcome low-self esteem and to lift one another, believing true sisterhood really does exist.

My heart is clean, there is no bitterness, no hate and no confusion. For me to be able to hug you, break bread with you and still smile your way after your 2014 entrance, I still pray you find your peace and comfort in life.

...when your purpose is tested, all you can say is Thank You!


Sunday, November 16, 2014


By now you should know that I've allowed myself to become transparent. Not on "purpose" But in purpose.

It's amazing how life hands you obstacles;  some which lead to happiness and others you believe will down right kill you. In all of my, "Lord I know this will kill me moments, " I never thought I'd end up where I am. Free and transparent.

My life may mirror so many others, may be a priceless to some and others may shake their heads. Whatever THEY may say, I know my own truths and even though I won't claim my childhood a total write off,  there are some things I could have lived without.

Years progressed and life sailed on. But even with a nice breeze, the waves can still rock the boat. What does that mean? It means I inadvertainly took junk with me into my adulthood. I let the sting of my youth travel with me into my adulthood instead of allowing it to scab over.

When I was younger, I had a habit of holding cups in my mouth with my teeth, leaving my hands free. I'm not sure if it was all for fun or just for the challenge to see if I could do it; drink my refreshment faster and without spilling it. 

One day, I repeated this hobby while sitting on my aunt's porch one hot summer's day. Thinking nothing of it, I placed the refreshment up to my mouth and began to clinch down with my little teeth. It took no longer than a couple of seconds before blood started to gush from my mouth.

Out of habit I trusted that the same thing I had been doing over and over would give me the same results. What I didn't consider was that unlike the cups which previously played along, the glass I clinched this time would leave a scar that I still own, on the left side of my mouth. 

My physical scar took a while to heal but it did. It went through the phase of stinging and bleeding before it actually started to seal up and scab over. Before it was all said and done, I was left with remnants of all I had gone through, but it no longer hurt. 

Though you've been through life's ups and downs, heartache without understanding, hurt by loved ones, relationships have left you broken, unemployment has left you homeless and having to start over from scratch, and is still etched in your heart and mind.... you're still here. 

Even with wounds we can persevere over it all. It takes time, nourishment to our pain and learning to reverse what brought pain to us to begin with. 

Take a moment to reflect on what is stinging in your life and honestly write down the steps that can lead you to freedom. Allow the healing to begin.

All in love,

~Keshia Dawn

Follow me on Twitter: TheKeshiDawn

Sunday, November 2, 2014


Since the release of my first, "relationself" guide, I've "lost" some people in my life. No they didn't die,  but they have removed themselves from the Keshia Dawn side of who I am.  But here's the thing. .. this is who I've been all along.

I was on Twitter one day and Jacque Reid came along and said, "Girlfriend, don't sit back and let me make stupid relationship decisions."  THAT released the build up I had about the path I'm traveling. For a brief moment, I almost considered shutting down my way of help and encouragement because those who have been so near and dear had shut me out. But just like that (insert snap here) I revisited my purpose in life.

And with that being said, I plan on continuing my story of healing in order to help others do the same.

I don't know, maybe people are embarrassed about my transparency and some believe somethings shouldn't be shared. I'm the opposite in my thinking. I believe so many people hurt and have no avenue toward healing because everyone wants to pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

You know when people say, "I love hard?" Well, I'm one of those people. And that is extended to family and friends alike. That being said, when anyone brings their heartache and pain to me to discuss, or I, along with the world know that a situation they are in is not conducive to happy living...that's right, I voice my opinion in a way that hopefully motivates them to go a different route. 

I'm vocal and that's nothing new, I've always been that way. I've never been one to sit back and just accept what is thrown my way without questioning why. And THAT is why I believe my phone rings or text messages show up on my android asking my opinion. I'm going to tell the truth and that's simply because we all deserve better than what we are accepting.

What is the purpose of being a true friend if I only care about your Michael Kors pumps and matching bag and not your heart, mind and soul?

So am I'm reaching or stepping on toes. Yes, I am reaching, to possibly help save lives; lives of young women who are mistaking physical abuse for love.

I'm reaching for parents to be parents until breath leaves their bodies; for families to break the curse, neglect and addiction. And stepping on toes? I can only do that when you can't own up to what is still broken in your life.

So, girlfriend, no I won't sit back and let you make stupid relationship decisions. I won't just pretend your black-eye blend in with your eyeshadow. I won't agree that it's okay to stay in relationships that don't serve you purpose but diminish you, or that putting mommy duties off on others is okay. Not when I know my purpose in life is to encourage you through it all.

By now, everyone knows I held on to hurt from my childhood because I didn't have an outlet. Or  that I dealt with relationships that served no purpose because that was all I saw. Or even that my being a single parent came after dating someone on and off for over ten years and yet him still dropping the ball on the both of us. Talk about some pain? Even with all of that I'm a conqueror, a survivor and still standing, which is what I want for every young woman I come in contact with.

Someone helped me. Listened to me and steered me in the right direction.

So girlfriend, know that my telling my story is for you and every woman who loves just like you do. It's for those who have hurt, cried and even died. It's about serving a purpose bigger than even my own hurt and pain.

Girlfriend, It's all love.

Join our new Facebook group:
(S.L.O.W Down)

~Keshia Dawn